her in a cinema foyer having st paid for her seat,
ourseats, and I would suddenly be helplessly adrift
inside fantasy No 56. Or she would seek my hand during
a film twe-wenttehecinematwelve times a week (late
night-shows Saturday-and-Sunday) and lay two fingers
in kkexpaim my palm and that would No 127. Our repertoire
covered a vast territory (gleaned, in large part, from my
therapeutic work). I found Emily quite frightening in
this
She could have me
splod
respect.
helpless in a split
second and none of my riends knew why I was so docile.
This is why I looked at her so little, not because of
her big tits or her snubnose, as she thought. /
'But surely I wouldn't look away from your tits,'
I told her.
'However can you imagine I woyld do that?
It's only that when I'm trying to concentrate on someone
's converasation, and after all it might/be a prospec ive
client, you often come up with one ofyour fantasy
previews.'
*You half-assed Jenish dude' she would say (I'm
actually Roman-in-origin, hence the mistaken racial
analysist, 'you don't look because they're too big for
you, they scare the living shit out of you and that's
the truth!'
XA e d
Emily has away of bellowing whatever she says.
Two centuries ago this would have been called passion,
now we call it piggishness.
I could never ca 1 her a pig to her face.
That
was on accont-of-the snub-nose.
Naturally she was well up in the feminist movement.
She became president of the San Francisco chapter/ An
extraordinary invittation came her way.
She was to
address the Santa Rosa chapter, and there happened to
be a fur cult in that area. Among the feminists,
0 tome
dating from about 1983, hair became fashionable, that
is, hair on-the body The Santa-Rosa cehapter-ororganised
awhole groupof the
Tiev (1-p
hairiest-women in-the area, and
they would-hold-meetinge in-the-nude,
+ think-they
belsln
also hadtebe dark-haired. You can imagine what I
Une)
felt/like when I entered that meeting, Emile took me
along as a male feminist (which is the truth), but she
didn't bargain for them being all naked. Now Santa
Rosa, is charmong, thougn-modern.
It has orderly
lawsns and drive-in shopping centers.
There is a simian
area, but you hardly notice the bars, it is all open
country, rather on the lines of. Brotain's Whipsnade a Jp
zoo, and a trifle like the Salzuburg ZOO in that the
land rises sharply at the entrance to the 'animal
enclosurest as the 200-keepers prefer to call them
Now Emile has a mpeculiar deficiency of speech.
When t ere is an 's' at the end of a word her mouth
does an unfortunate involuntary enlargement and the
word that comes out (and neither I nor her friends
have dared to make her aware of it) is 'shits'.
At the end of the word 'assignations' the word 'shits'
will be added, slipped in so quickly as to be ardly
noticed, but hardly noticing is still noticing.
She had, I thought, a lovel theme that evening.
It was 'the dawn of civilisation', not that she knew
anything about civi isation, let alone its dawn.
She


COL
opened the address, adjusting mentally to the fact
that she was facing something up ard of three hundred naked
women so hairy that they were a black mass punctuated
by bright eyes and sometimes, when they smiled or
snarled, teeth, she opene the address by saying "more
and morw women in this-shits and other countries-shits
are becoming aware that behind us here is-shits authentic
history in the form of that early society' (she made
it up) 'where the women stayed in their African villages
sround the divine totem, which was-shits feminine,
creating divine forms-anRdXNEAXINg shits and weaving,
while the men were out hunting and being vio ent and
loaths-shits-some. The women, we hear tell, kad
riskkakianxxigh*x imposed visitation rightsyshits,
such that the men, on returni from theirvile and
NEXEXHEXEIXBIXANYXMAXEXEEXPEEXXXEEMFEEKRXXEBRPRENSaxshi*sxRXSX
sh*ksXExXpaXRKEX**********had to request visit the right
of visitation if they wanted to go fuck one of the
women, and this was divinles edecided nby the Totem
women as they sat round in continual chanting and
praueyer.'
This was followed by a roar of applause-shits.
he whole haory gang almost rose as one man or rather
woman.
I didn't know whwre to put myself. Especially
as I was an ardent feminist I was ashamed of myself.
A remarkable ceremony saved me.
This was the
famous Green Flane affair that ended most of the Buso i
hall meetings.
ExkXaN*kIEXXaEEXEEEERXNXI**EXXHEXApxaxkax
DHXXEXEBXXXEMEXXEXEINE*ax*******XXAEXERIBRISkiRBXXRXPREtat*yx
XXEX**X***EkedXXXXXXEXNAYXEK*kexx****XXXEdA*Ex*x**kex*a
XKERXXEXAXappEaKX A thick plated-glass dome about the
height of a man had' been constructed by the feminisnist
chapter and it was usual for the women to drink schnapps
(usually from Austria but sometimes it was Italian grappa)
and then breathe through tubes into the enclosed space.
After severeal hundred of them, still naked, had done
this, they would press an ignition switch and a flame
would appear inside the dome and literally blow the whole
lot up, Ithat is their breath.
This was the Green Flame.
It really was a spectacle, especially as the lights of
the room (one of the smaller halls in the Busoni place)
were out and the sudden, although brief, explosion,
which took place inside the dome without the slightest
sound, lit up the ranks of gazing hairy naked women.
I stood, on this particular evening, at the back of the
ranks, trembling. After all I was the only male there
and I was amazed they hadn't turned their attention on
I think Emily had arranged, as a condition of giving
the lecture for about twenty percent of the usual fee,
that I should be left alone. I was so left alone that
it was, for me, just as bad a humiliation as,asay, having
the pipe pulled out of my mouth and trampled, or my
private parts exposed on stage.
In the car back to our two-storey apartment in


in Albany she continued the treatment, that S she
didn't say a word, even when I lit up and filled the
care with the most obnoxious smoke which made me feel
sick, aware as I was that you swallow saliva nicely
coated with nicotine when you smoke a pipe, and that
settles like cesspit in the belly, to work its necro-
politic in luence in the blood. She should have cussed
me out, I was waiting for it, yearning for it, a pipe
pipesmoke is deadly for getting in the clothes, just
five minutes exposure to it and you have to change
everything, she had said it a amiilion times, she'd
said you look yellow, you look like a corpse, you look
like a nicotinal swab with moving parts, your saliva
stinks like gangrene. But she didn't say a word,
simply went on driving (she had taken the wheel without
a word whereas, when we're in the 'fifth' car (we have
five cars for different purposes, a truck, a dirty
truck, a fast BMW for the freeways, when we're together
(this was the one she was drivingo, a Toyota for me
to get to the office in and z her old faithful Alfa
Romeo o nip about Santa Rosa in) (she takes the BMW
for lecture tours)4)?
When we got back she took off her blouse and then
her bra and walked about with her enormous tits bare
and her skirt and high-heeled shoes still on, as a
provocation.
I began seething with the aftermath
ore
of the pipe mixed with uncontrollable sexual-desire.
She left the lavatery door open when she wentte pee d
and managed, with some genius, to fart so loudly I
thought the neighbours would complain.
All this was
familiar stuff.
I knew it was going to be the humiliation
series, but I didn't bargain for the whole setm namely
Ale
Nos 98-120 inclusive.
Here are the humiliation fantasies we went through
that night:
No 98: I am an Enligsh stockbroker wheworks in
the City and wears a bowler hat, I dine with her and
have my hat on one of the plushchairs, she gets up to
go to the restoom and takes my hat with her, pisses in
it and brings it backto the table where she puts it,
crown down, onthe chair again, I drink a whole bottle
of Chambertin '75, sign the bill (this is my club and I
can runup a tab), get up and put the ta hat on, I
loste my club and all my friends (except Emile).
No 99: We are on a yacht off Brimz, Hawaii, and
the owner is a handsome robust beauty who is soon to
become my business associate and it isimportant that
I impress her and sleep with her, as she wishes it
(Iused to be her therapist), I am standing with her
in her cabin but an amuse-your-relatives-and-friends
farting apparatushas been attached surreptitiously to
the seat ofmy pants and is worked by Emily XRXXEMBXEX
EBNkEB*Xby remote radio control just as I am unbuttoning
my-business associate's blouse and murmururing 'You
have such lovely breasts, see how the nipples jump'.
No 100: I am in a swimming pool and-get an erection
and can't come out for five hourswhile she beckons to
me from the diving board, Ihave to be resuscitated,
I still have the erection and this is a "Transmute your


Sexual Energy' conference and I am the chief speaker.
No 101: I am delivering a lecture,at the Military A
Hall in Santa Cruz before an audience of fifty, thirty
of them female students ofmine, twenty of these gat least
in love with me, and Iput the pipe in my pocket still
smouldering and itburns a hole in my pants and I burst
into flames anda big man comes up from the audience
and throws-hims lf on me to put the flames out and
buggers me in full view of everyone.
No 102: I am the guest lecturer at a women's
college in Pleasant Hill, I have the runs and dash into
the john, I plunge into a cubicle, tear my tro sers
down and am only just in time, but XEXXXSE W aoman
is there before me, already seated.
I am known in:
thexxNaxxeax college as a Realised Being.
No 103: I', lecturing in San Diego and this is
a five hour journey, all the cars have gone wrong, I
catch a Greyhound by the skin of my teeth and find it's
been commandeered by a Fellatial Punishment Group of
Oregon feminists, they enforce fallatio seveteen times
in the course of the jouney, this toge her with three
surreptitious penetrations makes twenty ejaculations on
my part, I had to be carried from the bus, the lecture
Bycdic was on 'The Ebefgy Benefits of Seminal Retainment'.
No 104: I enter the house from work, Emily is
bending down to put something in the oven, I lift u p
9 her skirt/apdrfowerherpanties and (fantasy No 14)
Ssad
enetrate her without a word, it's her mother, Emils
has gone to hospital with a poison xxx oak rash, I'm
sued for rape axaxphysizaxxabMERIXALHEE and lose my job.
On a walk in the Napa Valley with Emily
I pee against a tree and due to a hole in my underpants
get my foreskin caught in my zip, begin yelling and
hopping around, every time I tried to pull the zip
down again it gets caught faster, I yell and jump
until finally Emily does it with a quick pull, I
tear my underpants down in agguish and purse my privates
iwith my hands, a group of fifty schoolchildren pass
in the care of three teachers, I'm arrested and charged
with flashing, I lose my job.
No 106: Yearning as I do from time to time for a
child with Emily I am taken to hospital for a subsebacious
cyst to be removed and the identity tags are mixed up
and they sterilise me by mistake, my last words as the
pentathol fix goes in are 'I think there must be some
No 107: I wake with dim sluggish feelings from the
wine of the evening before to hear Emily gently trying
to persuade me to make love to her, and protesting a
degree of attachment to me which runs counter to all
our experiences together, I drag myself with consummate
straength of will to fuli alertness in order to oblige
her with carnal attentions, I at last put out my hand
to lay it consolingly on her heaving belly but nothing
is there except cool bed, it is a cassette recording
timed for 6.30 am and there's a note on the pillow
- Spending the night with Hank', Hank is 6 foot three
inches in his socks, he tips the scales at 250 lbs.
No 108: I am driving to Sacramento with a special
conginment of consignment of black tulips from Holland


which I must deliver by noon, the tulips arrived
at Oakland sirport by mistake, Emily interrupts me
on my radio phone, I must return at once to our Palo
Alto house, I do so but when I enter the house there
is no one there, I search about from room to room
and try Emily at her office, when I return to the
truck Emily is making love to Hank---among the tulips,
I lose my job.
No108: All my life I have been a passionate
flautist but decided in my late teens not to follow a
musical career becayse of the backbiting that goes on
in orchestras and the under-employment
picoh
among musicians,
I do however practice
and
pays
every day
finally compose a
beautiful concerto for flute and strings and this is
to be performed professionally, and I am to do the
solo with the Calistoga String Ensemble at Hot Springs,
and the evening before Emily persuades me to use my
flute carnally (No 76) and when I arrive for the concert
it won'y work any more.
I'm a famous actor, Emily is my leading
lady, we are performing at the Lyceum theatre in San
Francisco on a pre-Broadway tour, she slips some extra
business into her part one evening, without warning, she
bendagdown to pick f something upfromlthe settee, I
Vin
think this is No 14, bavevertigorand lift up her skirt
from behind, the curtain rings, I am arrested for
indecent exposure and lose my job.
No 110: We haven't had a night out for a long time
so we go to a Moroccan restaurant in Danville and the
belly dancer ogles me and gets me to dance with her in
front of everybody and I take it seriously and after
drànking three bottles of Algerian wine follow her to
her dressing room, she tells me to come outside. she's
a student from Mount Diablo college, she has her boy- 41
friend outside, he turns out to be a X@RRXXX**Exkead massive
BEX*REXDEbe**yxdXdaNEIREXEIAX**X****Xsxgxx*XpuEkESXREXEXRRXEXRRX
bekiRdxxIxtaxtXXEXNxwaxdxONEXaMXXXXXEX**kyxx*exkXgXNARAR
ExkenaxxwhaxpushNSHEEXMEXbAEk*x**eyxpMsAXmXREXXEXARGXExandxexax
Kuxxfax*yXMINNXESXXX*X**xixiax*xiX*X*X*xfain***XERX*yxpxyxpxgkg
1 XXXXXXEX*E*IEXMEXEXEXexpaidxkkemx*axdex******XXEXMAKEXRAKEEXRE
***mx***xx*x******xXXEXXXExbettyxaxixnigk*x woman, they
BAXEXNaXaxk**x***xxx push to the ground and expose my belly,
they slap my belly for forty minutes until I vomit,
they leave= in the carpark, Emily tells me afterwards
she paid them to do this, she makes me kiss her belly
allnight and serves me tripe for breakfast.
No 111: We drive to the top of Mount Tamalpais
to meditate through the dawn, we sit huddled in blankets
waiting for the light to come up, I joke with Rxity
her about her usual dawn meditation being more in the
sex chakra than the crown one, we sit with closed eyes
and feel the light come up, the meditation lasts an
hour, I open my eyes and find her and the car gone,
I hitch a ride to Palo Alto in a car with four feminists
from Atalanta, on hearing that I'm not gay they cut
my pants into strips and tip me out of the car naked
below the waist, my only way to get a lift back home
is to literally flash the police, they arrest me,
Emily comes to bale me out but finds my desperate


situation so erotic that to secur a long prison
setence she urges the police not to release me as
I physically abuse, so I am booked a second time,
I receive a three month sentence, she comes to visit
me every day, she makes signs with her faces that
denote different fantasy numbers, I groew frantic
with desire and throw myself on a women lecturer in
thegCreative Writing class, am booked a third time
Arism
and'this kimetime get a year, I lose my job,XXEXXEXE
Mex*agaEEXXBXX*XXEEXKEMSEX Emily receives a fat contract
fromxmxxxxx a touring agent for a nationwide lecture
tour on the subject of Physical Abuse in the Home.
No.112 : Home from prison I sneer at the Creative
Writing lecturer and say the best writing is destructive
an way, Emily contacts the Feminist Writers' Union,
they send a deputation from Richmond, Virginia and
with Emily destroy all my case histories so that I
cannot report my year's work to my supervisor, I lose
my job, Emily is asked to supervise the three-mont
Creative Writing Course for Business Persons at Las
Vegas at three thousand dollers an evening, three
evenings a week.
No 113: In a chrulish mood, remembering how my
father, a Wisconsin ironwelder, would offer me his little
finger to hold on to when I was still unable to walk and
so I grew up insecure, I tip our entire supply of dishes
off the sink-tray, they smash on the floor, Emily,
remembering her mother who put her toys down the john,
sends obscene letters to fifteen of my femalec,1 lients
over my signature and under my embossed letterhead,
they complain to the Mental Health Institute, I lose
my job, Emily writes offering to take over all fifteen
patients and together they form a group called Women
Against Pornography in the Home and my chairmanshsi
of the San Jose chapter of the Freedom from Lta e
Late Night violence and Porno on Television is canacelled.
No 114: During a meeting of the local rent control
committee, on which I represpsent recalcitrant house
owners, I inadvertently descrive the chairwoman as the
chairman, a deputation from the Women's Nomenclature
Rights Group waits outside for, Emily is among them,
they force me into a car and drive me round in circles
all night with a casette playing on the car hifi speakers
and saying 'She is a spokeswoman, a chairwoman, a WOMAN,
I am a ERAIKRAK spokesman, a chairman, a DUDE, I am a
spokeswoman, a chairwoman, a WOMAN, he is a spokesman,
a chairman, a DUDE...' Emily pours ;ork fat over my
organic cereal at breakfast.
No.115 : I have a day off fromtulip delivery
and Emily refuses me sex despite bi-hourly spporaoches
on my part, I get all her brasm high-heeled shoes and
summer paxkx slacks (it is 98 in the shade) and burn
the lot on the lawn, I invite my male neighbours over,
they bring underwear from their houses too, the conflag-
ration attracts the police, we inform them that the women
started the fire as a protest afainst sexual exploitation,
Emily and the women from five neighbouring houses are
arrested, we secure their release but only after a week,
they return with a deputation from Gay Rights Leagure,


thirty male bisexualls barricade themselves in our
houses and have round-the-clock wwith our women.
No 116: I tell a woman client that she and her
husband have individuation problems and should cultivate
their extramaital roles, she asks could she have sex with
me while I'm smkoking my pipe, she has a childhood fantasy
about that, ce ntered on: the way her dad sucked hisxkpxpe**x
sucked at it (his pipe), I say no this is only a stratagem
to avoid_the-central-issue of individuation, she phones
Emily and says I have sex with hersin the office every
week on the
chanl
desk, Emily phones herghusband and suggests
retaliatory sex, they mate in Emily's truck outside my clout)
bedroom-window
ehe
at night, they put a speaker on my window
Inislby sill and a speaker in the truck to relay their coital
noises, *XEXNXSEXXHERXEMEX my ex-client then sues me for
malpractice, I amc covered financially by my maplp actices
insurance but lose my job, the police then arrest me
for relaying my sexual noises from tny bedroom to the
neighbours from 2 am to 4 am each morning.
No 117: We are at our mountain retreat, there is
a torrential downpour, I walk out in it in the nude to
show how macho I am, she locks and car and the cabin
with herself inside, on my return she refuses me entry,
I hammer at the window, she lies on the bed in the nude
playing with herself while I watch from outside, she
falls asleep and lets me in at dawn next morning,
froaen to the bone I fry myself some eggs and brew some
coffee, I slip outside for a pee, she locks me out again
and through the window I watch her eat the eggs and
drink the coffee in the nude.
No 118: Preparing (dolgilye a lecture, 'From
Heiroglyphics to Wisdom, a Glance at Human History
from Egypt 3000BC to Palo Alto 1984 AD; I write an
excellent paragraph setting out the notion that the
myths of ancient times were an embryonic preview of
our present state of knowledge, much as the embryo sees
and hears in the womb (outerdy the poundings of the
maternal-heart and the roars and gurgles of maternal
sar
disgestion,asoopposed-to direct analytic contact with
realities, I glance up and see Emily in the garden
bending down to pick some flowers, her back to me
(no ?), I cannot resist this, jump out of the window,
rush-across the lawnyend achieve penetrality in a
moment, only to discover that-sheispicking flowers
udy
for the shrrifywho is standing by her concealed bx
aXEMXX from the house by a buash.
No 119: I give A PAPER AT THE African genesis
Club in Orinda on the Psychological Implications of the
Plesianthropic Origin of the Human Mind, pointing tout
that the killer baboon or plesianrthropus from whom we
originate first used kts oversized brain to use weapons,
outside the lecture hall a deputation from the Women
Are Goddesses aInstitute shower me with baboon shit
which Emily tells me on my arriving home that she
collected herself from the San Francisco ZO0.


No 120: EXBIXEXEXAXPAPEEXXXX Emily is lecturing on the
Berkeley campus for the WORMS (Women's Organisation for a
REfEEMEdXMAXXIAKkxiaxE*xi Restful Matriarchal Society) while I,
coincidentally, am lecturing in the same building for the
CRUMBS (Club for the Rstitution of Unconditional Male
Balance and Sanity), she and I meet in the carpark afterwards,
she drives her Alfa Romeo into the side of my Toyota, I
drive my Toyota into the back of her Alfa Romeo, this
continues until midnight NKERXNEXNX**X*EX*XEXKERK when the
cars are write-offsa and we walk to a nearby hotel and
take a double room and enjoy Nos 5, 16 and 42 until dawn.
It wasn't always like this.
Indeed it has taken
considerable courage on my part to verbalise fantasies
which belong to the inarticulate, barely conscious receess
of the lower mind. For fantasies are those things which
are never practised. Hence to verbalise them is to
bring them dangerously near to realisation and, in that,
destruction.
If anyone had said to Emily or me that
we shared over a hundred fantasies which changed little
in the course of ten years we would both have laughed,
sinxerely, for it has only been my presenet research
into the twisted world of surrogate sex which has brought
those fantasies to consciousness. No doubt they are
still locked in the un
Emily wasn't always like this.
And I feel it
incumbent on me to tell the story as it truly was, from
the beginning.
**x**x*akANXEBNXXdEXXbXEXEENXXEEXEN
myxpax*XXEXENMREXAXEXEXNXAEXXXEXX**XXXEXNEXEXKEXX***X***EXXXEXI**
IndeedxxiaXXNXAXXEEXMEANXPKEEISE***x******IE*XN*X*XXEEXEXX
XXXEXE*XDExpxHEXXEEDXXEN*yX*YXXHXMIEERXXEERXNKEdXNP*XpxxpxagEEkEdX
It began on commencement day XNXSXREX*%*x at Brynmawr on
June 2nd 1971. For the information of non-Ameri: ans or
any of the fifteen million illegal residents in the US
who have enough English to read, commencement day in the
US means the least day, despite the fact that to commence,
even for Americans, means to begin. On that day you get
your degree.
That year Brynmawr and Haverford college (where I was
a graduate) had a common commencement day because of a leak
inthe main hall at Haverford.(an 1876 prediction had come


true---the Haver ford did indeed break its banks
and flood first the college refectory, where there
was 'a video game exhibition at the time, then the
kitchens, spoling over a hundred tons of longlife
food for the college's four hundred junkfood afddocts (1)
and taking the awall of the famous g aduation hall with
itl.
Emily and I had quite inexplicably never met.
How ERXEXEENXdX even fate could have arranged that
improbability I cannot think, for we had both been
attending, for the past three years, regular group
orgies, sexual release seminars, free molestation
sit-ins, hands-on healing sessions in the dark and the
nude, coke-and-feelies nightsx in an underground hall
at a gas station in Ardmore Pa. (the famous Scotty's
Room), 'blind date' encounters (i.e. cophlations
BEKNEERXEXPXEXXEXEEXEdXXX with a pre-seleceted but unknown
partner, blindfolded) and other student activities
involving both CO leges.*HEEEXXXX**X***** There were
also lectures and classes shared by the two colleges,
and though I was doing veterinary course while Emily
was working on her Ph D and aiming at a biochemical
career, it is still remarkable that in three years we
never once to our knowledge clapped eyes on each other
before the commencement ceremony.
When we did clap eyes on each other we were
standing side by side, rather nervous and constrained
in mortar boards and black academic gowns, waiting our
turn to receive the rdidiculous scroll, with idiot
parents in an overdressed mob KmEitingxaXBEXEXXbBXIE waiting
xuapxwaiting to congratulate their eneering young.
This tall young woman, ger long blond hair
cascading to her shoulde S in waves that flashed in
the blidning light (an idiot father had organised
lelecision coverage) stood just a little under my
height of 6 feet 1 inch, and when we looked searchingly
into each other's eyes our gazes were almost on a
level, a relief to both of us as we'd been saddled with
small partners for at least the past year. We fitted.
And we knew from that moment that we fitted---that we
would fit.
And we did fit.
We were a goodlooking couple, people said. Very
much the Wasps (for non-Americans again-- --White Anglo
Saxon Protestants).
We both played tennis, frisbee,
coits, smithers and chortle cross. We were to be seen
on the courts almost every day during our courtship,
for we both had post-graduate courses to attend during
the summer months, which detained us in Pennsylvania.
Itwas a summer to be rememberede, not simply for the
fact that we found, at least three times a day, that we
fitted, but because Emily was the victress in a protracted
court case involving her father.
This was the famous
Sprude-Tayler case.
S e was sueing him for 1.8 million
dollars, and got a settlement of about half a million,
which was crucial for her subsequent researches.
After
the case was settled she tol said, 'You know, that man'
(referring to her father) 'should never have told me
that when I graduated I was on my own, leastways, an


ARXIEENMEXdEXXXIKEKeXyaMIX
a garbage disposal officer like your dad can say it,
but not a millionaire'.
She sued him for continual molestation throughout
childhood.
Two doctors (and a former 'blind date'
contact) testified that she was more or less frigid.
as a result.
Jeremy Sprude-Tayler had apparently
tickled Emily's pussy, puthis indiex finger up from Sinsetuil
time to time, smacked (lightly of course) her bottom,
kissed her clitoris, 'chucked' her breasts agasty
when she was nubile, and above all 'sat her on his
knee' which, Emily testified in her evidence, was
the hardest knee she'd ever encountered (bringing a
complicious smile to the xxpg blue-painted lips of
the judge, an old crone from Masachessettst, for
Emily could, in a court, only state the matter circum-
spectly, especially as her attorney wished her to look,
talk and ***XXXeSpESpEEkabiexx dress respectable).
SKEXNAEXEXANAXER
Until our eyes met during the graduation ceremony
Emily was firmly involved with a young man who had the
most unfortunate nickname I've ever heard.
Human beings
under fifty are notoriously cruel, and we are talking
here of experimental animals under the age of twenty
five, collected together for the purpose of indeetrination
ie, in-the principles-of fantasy-building.
- CAY Le (
The nickname was Pig-Eyes Gorgonzola.
He was
a massive shouldered, flaxen-haired, higu huge-chested
EKEAKNKE sportsman, with the charm, I must say, of
a sixteen-year-old virgin (one RARXEEEEREEREXWaS recently
reported in the papers). Emily adored this man as she
never did another, including me, and I think it was
because he was so thoroughly decent all the way through.
To meet another she would have had to go counter tothe
findings of the Decency Probe in 1976 which established
that indecent people outnumbered decent people by 84
against 12.
With the population of Philahelphia at
that made approximately.
.decent people,
of whom 85% could be expected to be female. But, as
she told me one time when we were trying set light to
each other's hair (this was in the Haight-Ashbury period
in San Fra cisco, when my hair was half way down my
back), 'I fell in love with Gorgonzola's decency as I
fell in love with your lack of it!'. XEXMAPPXXNEXE
kappikyxaREMEEEREEMXXIxxinxignitINEXEREKXBEXEXXX
"Gorgonzola' was because of his breath, 'Pig-Eyes'
because of the smallness and inflamed condition of his
eyes, the result of chronic pulmonary congestion.
His
vast chest was im fact accountable to asthma, not, as
his gym instructors and dates told him, to his manhood
and strength.
But Emily did him good.
The congestion
cleared up on graduation day when she met me. Now he's
living in Richmond Va at the head of a firm devoted to
the construction of highrises on air-jets, the staisfied
father of fourteen boys.


Soon after Emily and I met I came to know the
brilliant attorney (Gus Spilman) who had laid his loose
fingers on a half a doll million dollarsworth of her
father's pork investments.
When I told him that my father, on hearing me use,
at the age of ten, the expression 'get stuffed' immediately
after his expression 'eat your food and get to be like a
good boy', gave me a clip on the ear which sent me flying
down the stairs (they were cement)--this was a slum
dwelling in Atalanta), with the result that I ruprured
my balls and was never thereafter capable of what I can
only only call 'direct' sex as opposed to fantasy sex.
I cannot, that is, look a woman in the face once I become
intimate with her. The last time, therefore, I saw Emily
was at the graduation ceremony. This is how it is that
I describe her on one page as being small, raven -haired
and with enormous bosoms, and on another as strikingly
handsome and tall.
The attorney Spilman at once saw the possibililities--
until I pointed out that my father was a crematorium
worker.
'I thought it was garbage disposal,' Emily said.
'It used to be. And they're allied trades,' I
said disgustingly.
'Was it the fall that made you such an unpleasant
fellow?" Spilman asked me with a candid smile due to
a lifelong nervous tic.
He went on, 'We could sue the firm that erected
the Atalanta dwelling,' But the time lapse is great.
However there have recently been precedents for long-
effect damages---there are the notable molestation-
tria S where a father's fingers have been accountable
for their searching twenty or even thirty years before---
and I happen to know that the firm that built that
Atalanta dwelling is still around, in fact it sold out
to a huge consortium which should well be able to afford
the 14vor 15 million we're going to ask.'
'Fifteen million?' I shrieked.
'How can anyone
be worth that?'
'Byt the time you pay my fees, and the court fees,
and the investigation procedures, and witnesses from your
childhood days, you will see that this concerns a whole
community of which you are but a part.'
He turned to
Emily. 'How you ever fell in love with this man I shall
never know.'
'He has an imagination,' she said.
'Don't take me seriously,' he told me, clapping a
comradely hand on my shoulder.
'I don't,' I said with a laugh, for I stood a foot
higher than he, and could have tossed him out of the
window head-frirst on my liffle finger.
Realer Realty Inc settled out of coutt for $300.000
BixxhishxIxgekxabentxaxthirxx excluding my costs.
just before we married, Emily and I were worth a cool--
almost---million.


might enjoy it with another partner, we might
enjoy it a hundred times over, but we wouldn't fit.
And we needed to fit.
In the last analysis, we needed
to fit more than we needed to enjoy.
So we stayed
together, waiting for the right answer. We looked at
other possible partners, we did so at parties, openings
concer S and premieres, but while we saw that the enjoyment
prin factor would have been fulfilled, the fitting wouldn't.
And we needed to fit. We did fit. We fitted every
few moments, when we were at home together. And we
fitted as many times as we could when we were out.
We thought of fitting when we were at our separate
places of work, she in the genetics lab and me operating
on cats, dogs and rabbits.
When we reached the house
after workthere was no other thought in our head but
that of fitting---it took pre edence over the 'unwinding'
drink, or a cup of coffee, or a rest on the divan, or
a favorite television program.
Indeed, with some of
these other activities it constituted no barrier, and
we would do them while fitting. Fitting was as basic
to us as breathing.
When not fitting we were starved
of air, we gasped, we faltered. But we didn't enjoy it.
WHERXXEAXhaXhiNgX You need to breathe and within limits you
enjoy breathing but it isn't an active enjoyment all the
time or even most of the time. It's just necessary.
Being young (and human), however, we couldn't believe
that, even though we might not fit another partner, we
might not be capable of squeezing a little enjoyment out
of the primal actthat excites our wildest hopes and joys
from the day we are born to the day we die. We searched,
we sometimes dated, but always at the eleventh hour,
whena zip was being loosened or a the sitting position
being exchanged for the prone, the enthusiasm would die,
there would be a straightening of backs, a zipping-up,
a reclasping of bras, a straightening of hair and a smooth-
ing down of skirts and a murmured 'I'm married and I guess
I just don't want to cheat'.
The potential partners
thought us decent loyal numbheads, and took off for another
date, leaving us to rush back home in order to fit once
more into the Bxty lock our keys seemed to have been solely
designed for.
We put up a struggle. We had plenty of money and
could afford to invest in rash adventures---1ike the two-
way car. That cost us upward of fifty thousand bucks
to build, and we had to sell it as a curiosity for ten
by the end. The reader won't believe it but it's true.
At any rate, it*XXaXMERENKEXBEXthexdespExakiBnXNEXXWEXMEZE
passingxtaxBugh was a measure of our desperation.
For
by this time we were foregoing orgams.S It was enough
to fit. And the frequency with which we achieved
penegration argued against orgasm as a necessary adjunt.
So we went prowling the streets.
We were brazen.
would approach a goodlooking man or woman and openly suggest
an evening together.
Surprisingly, perhaps because we
looked so athletic, and usually went out on the prowls
in shorts and EXK running shoes and carrying sportsbags,
only a few hurried away from us qithout a word. We would
sit with them in cafes or bars.
Once or twice we took


took them home.
Nothing transpired.
So we decided
we should do the prowling in a car. It made a quicker
chase possible---for we often saw the ideal creature
in a car that flashed past and came to a halt half a
mileaway, so that when we arrived out of breath he or she
had already disappeared into a house. or a cinema.
But NeXkadXaXpxabtbXEn our nights out in the car were
disastrous. As chance had it, she would see the ideal
man at the very moment I saw the ideal woman (and of
course, providence being the sullen bitch she is, they
were never together), so that Emily would want to drive
one way and I would want to drive another.
It was clear
therefore that we needed a car that drove both ways.
Emily had a good command of the latest research
in a number of fields, and thought at once of a system
which would connect the measureable state of desire in
our blood to the carburretor.EXXXa*ker Let me explain.
We agreed that the more passionate of the two of us on
any occasion when we sighted two ideal crea ures should
have automatic driving rights. There would be two
steering wheels, two (independent, of course) front-
wheel drive systems, two windscreens, two front suspensions
instead a back and a front as with the normal car.
We would therefore be sitting with our backs to each
other.
Where there would normally be a raear seat
would be the other driviner, with a complete set of
controls.
NBNXKEXEXENX*xxyxin*XadNgedxaXmAEXEX*yXkyxx*raXEX
Thus at any given time one driver would be going backwards,
driven by the other driver.
HEXEXEMIX I must say I was
highly sceptical of the first designs---until I realised
that a cat-and-dog butcher as I was simply couldn't hold
a candle to BREXBEXERkniiy**x a mind like Emily's.
She
devised a system whereby each of us would, while dirivng,
be connected at both wrists to an electronic monitor.
This would measure our precise degree of sexual excitement.
That electronic device would in fact control the carburretor
or gas-supply to the engine. If my desire was greater
than Emily's the gas would flood into my carburretor.
If hers was greater, then her engine and not mine would
respond to the gentle pressure of the accelerator.
There were difficulties, among them the fact that
one of us was always on the wrong side of the road.
But practice gave us mastery here. With In control of
our own engine, we would switch lanes in a n instant--
for she had aleready realised that we must have optimal
pick-up in the acceleration if the experiment was to be
any good at all.
And there was the ;ossibility that while one driver
was in pursuit of his or her ideal creature, the other's
sexual desire might suddenly become greater, so that
a turnaround became likely, or, worse still, a sudden
halt S THE TWO ENGINES
pulled
oppiste directions.
So thê design incorporated a clever feature whereby
the last recorded sexual excitement always had EXXEX
MINNKESX twenty miles of autonomy, unless we both decided
that the present pursuit should end, in which case we
could switch the engines to neurtal and start again.
I must say part of the fun when XEXfina*tyx the
garage finally delivered the car (the two mechanics


who delivered left us in a run, their eyes popping
out of their heads).
The sight of the driver of a
vehicle hurtling along the freeway in reverse, apparent-
ly paying no attentiln whatever to his driciving duties,
plus the sight of an automboile with two identical
front suspensions, so that those drivers in the rear
had the terrify8ng impression that they were going to
meet us head-on, even though we were clearly going in
the oppiste direction (a moment's complacent thought
that we were being towed---admittedly at great speed--
was settled by a closer look, which revealed nothing in
front of us but open road), was enough to get us trailed
by the curious until we came to a halt. We learned a
set speech after a time.
It was a General Motors
experiment.
We were driving round to see how people
took it.
The idea was that independent with independent
engines there was little or no chance of a mechanical
breakdown, though of course the car shared its own
wheels. How ever, the company was experimenting with
the possibisility of concealed wheels which ein the
event of a flat or blowout would automatically slide
out of their caising casing and replace the other,
which xxxa then slid into the concealed area. The
interest was so great that I called General Motors and
EXGXIXERXXAXTEXEXXXEXXXXEXEHEMX**XXXXX**NASXEbSMXX*X*EXPaXPEXENXX
AXXNBXIMXEMBDIZEEKINKEMEXANandxxhaxAXXXXTEREXXWAEXEXXEaEyXX
BAXEREXKBAd*XxXERGNIXEdX*NEnidxyaaxbEDEXINENKEEXESXEdXIRX
AXBRERBNEXXAX**X**X*XXXEaNdx*hEXENSNEXXXAEXEXASIYEXIxexifx
paxikexxprabalakkyxkbEEAHSEXREXexthaughkxixX**XANXSX got
an appointment to demonstrate our two-automobiles-in-
one.
A hig way cop pulled us over for speeding one day,
he looked in through the window, stared from Emily to
me and me to Emily and after a long pause during which
his jaw looked as if it was going to fall off, said, 'Who
the fuck do I book---the driver or the driver?.
'There's only one driver,' I said.
'It's the
lady.
It's obvious I couldn't be driving at that speed
in reverse.
Your language is rather unbecoming, I I
added.
'Yeah I'm sorry,' e said, 'it kinda freaked me out.
I mean two steering wheels! One's a dummy, right?'
'Not at all,' I said.
'There are two engines in
this car, the one independent of the other.'
I explained the way it all operated, omiting the
fact that Emily and I were plugged into a etectronic
passion-monitor, but all he did was push his cap back
further, give me a long appraising look and ***x*****rt
PMXXXENXXXXXXX*********X say 'Liecences please.'
We showed them and he handed them back
going to have to ask at the station about the legality
of this one,' he said.
MankxkhrBaghxtkexpaEXPAKENEEXBEf*EEXAXXSREXARRNXBXXtkExpmiiee
depaxknen*xRXXEXEMIamiaxhaxeAXEXAXXEEBXd**XEXREAXXX*HEX***X*EX*INEX
**xegakx
'There's nothing illegal about having one car, what's
illegal in having two? The only thing is that they're


welded together.'
'Yes but Jesus,' the man burst out, 'which way
is the fucking thing sip ose to go? E**EXEEXXXWE
SXBNXXXX*X**EBXNINGRGSEKEENSKKXXHENSXPARBISHK*****XX
XXXXX**X*XOX**XEMImikyxsaidxxXX***X*XX*HXEBBIXI*XEX*XRXXN*e
KNEXEXXXXX I mean suppose you both decided to drive
in opposite directions, which one wins?'
'OK, OK,' Emily said, 'if you cool it a minute
I'll tell you.
It's got a special cutout system,
if one engine's in the other's out, so X*XXXXXX from
a highway cop's point of view it's one car not two.'
'Jesus!' The cap went even further back/
'Why the fuck can't you just turn round like anybody
else, just turn round and go the other way?'
'Language!' I said, shaking my head to myself.
'Gee I'm sorry but this is making me feel there's
som thing wrong with me as well as you! And what the
fuck are those wires coming our of your wrists?'
'It's to see who's going to drive,' I said,
enjoying his confusion with quiet detatchment.
'Your name ma'am?' he snapped as an answer.
'Didn't you see it on the licence?* It's Anne
Sprood Tayler.'
He looked up.
'Not the Sprood Talyor in the
famous molestation case in Philadelphia?i
'That's right,' she saiaid in a disgruntled way,
clearly tired of an interview that was going to cost
her sixty bucks.
'I've been afraid to touch my daughter ever since,'
he said.
'You know something?'
He turned to me.
'She's five years old and she comes between me and my
wife in the bed in the morning and sta ts playing and
I'm scared to touch her little bottom any more- -scared!
But I figure it like this---kissing and fondling your
own daughter's natural aint it and your kid's going to
grow up deprived if she don't get it, I mean on the one
hand you got to love 'em and on the other hand you can't
even touch 'em!'
'It's natural alright!' said Emily sullenly.
'Molestation's natural!
That'swhy you get booked for
'You mean to say a man can't tickle his own baby
daughter. dandle her on his knee---?'
'Listen man!' Emily said in her full Sprood Talor
manner, with sea-green eyes, 'it just depends where,
and if your knee's naked---I'
*SKXEBHEXENXEmxty*** I remonstrated with her.
h come on Emily'!
'My name's Anne!' she snapped.
'OK Anne but a father and his child---!'
'What are you saying?'
She turned the dark-green
aquarium full on me. 'It's irresponsible for you to talk
in this way! I mean, for god's sake, you heard one
witness after another testify that my dad dandled and
and tickled me only in the erotic zones!'
'That's another story,' I said.
'The witnesses
were fixed.'
'They have to be,' the cop said.
'Otherwise how