PUBLIC RELATIONS I
MAURICE ROWDON


CHARACTERS
JACK BENTLEY
MABEL.
FACES AT PARTIES, ETC.


PUBLIC RELATIONS
OPEN ON THE DRESSING ROOM OF JACK
BENTLEY'S HOUSE.
JACK IS FIXING
HIS TIE AND MABEL IS ABOUT TO BIP
UP HER DRESS.
JACK:
'Relax everybody!
Remember
we're just one big unhappy family!'
Why does he always say that? Of
course nobody does: relax. After
all we only go there for self-
advancement.
CUT TO THE PARTY WITH JACK WELCOMING
GUESTS AT THE DOOR OF THE SITTING
ROOM.
JACK: Relax everybody!
Remember
we're just one big unhappy family!
POLITE LAUGHTER ON A CLOSE UP OF
JACK LOOKING PERPLEXED.
CUT TO JACK'S DARK-TROUSERED LEGS
OVER POLISHED SHOES MOVING ALONG
AN OFFICE CORRIDOR.
PAN UP TO
SHOW: HIS BRIEFCASE. PULL BACK TO
SHOW A. CLERK PEEPING OUT OF HIS ROOM
INTO THE CORRIDOR.
THIS CLERK IS
JACK.
CLERK: Half past tenl
Why bother
at all?
HE GAZES SPITEFULLY UP THE CORRIDOR.
CUT TOA REAR VIEW OF THE DARK
TROUSERS. PAN UP TO JACK'S HEAD AS
HE STOPS GRADUALLY AND TURNS ROUND.
HIS EYES WIDEN IN ASTONISHMENT. HE
HAS SEEN HIMSELF. HE GOES ON WALK-
ING.
WAIT FOR: HIM: TO. SLIP SLIGHTLY
AND THEN RIGHT HIMSELF..
CUT TO JACK'S SITTING ROOM. PAN
ACROSS MIDDLING PROSPEROUS FURNITURE
TO MABEL SITTING IN AN ARMCHAIR


READING THE PAPER.
TAKE IN JACK
WHB IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE
HEARTH. LOOKING WORRIED AND TALKING
JACK: I get so confused sometimes.
I mean I. did say 'Relax everybody,
remember we're. just one big unhappy
family' last night didn't I?
MABEL (BEHIND PARER)
I don't
remember..
JACK: You see, I feel like other
people.
It's more: than that. I
feel I. am them.
And it's even
more. than that. They've started
looking like me.. Are you listening?
MABEL (BEHIND PAPER)
Yes.
JACK: I. feel I'm that clerk when
I. pass him in the morning. It feels
like me sneering at myself.
CUT TO JACK'S OFFICE.. HE IS AT HIS
DESK. JUST PUTTING THE. PHONE DOWN AS
HIS SECRETARY ENTERS.
THIS IS MABEL.
HE LOOKS UP TO BEGIN DICTATING AND
STARES AT HER IN ASTONISHMENT.
JACK: Hullo: Mab---! Oh you're
Joyce. aren't you? Sre you?
SECRETARY: Well I haven't changed
my name.
CUT TO A CLOSE UP OF THE PHONE IN
JACK'S SITTING ROOM. IT IS RINGING.
JACK. ÉFROM ACROSS. THE ROOM) Dman!
Youhave an evening to yourself!
HE AMBLES ACROSS TO THE. PHONE.
FOLLOWING HIM,. WE TAKE IN MABEL IN
AN ARMCHAIR BEHIND ANOTHER NEWSPAPER.
JACK (AT THE PHONE)
Hullo, yes?
Well can't it do tomorrow? All
right. (TAKING A NOTE)
London
airport two-fifty p.m.
I'll send
somebody though it might have to
be my secretary. Who is.he by the
way? A partner, from Bremen?
Blimey!.
HE SLAMS DOWN THE RECEIVER.
MABEL:
Did you see this?


JACK PASSES BY HER CHAIR AND SHE
SHOWS HIM THE NEWSPAPER. HE PEERS.
PUSH IN TO A PHOTOGRAPH CAPTIONED
'SIR GEORGE ARMSTRONG'.
IT IS A
PHOTOGRAPH OF JACK.
JACK (HANDING BACK THE PAPER) SIr
George Armstrong? Why the hell
should I want to see him? I've
just talked to him.
MABEL:
Well he's your boss.
JACK:
Oh no he isn't.
Not from
next week.
The Germans'll see to
that. He sold out to them.
And
they're coming over ho get the firm
on its feet. Thank God.
(GRABBING THE NEWSPAPER VIOLENTLY)
wait a minute!.
MABEL: Look out!
JACK:. It's kim again!
I mean
me again! That photograph is me!
Look!. It is, isn't it?
MABEL:
Of course it isn't!
JACK: Well it looks like me. to me.
(SLUMPING BACK IN HIS CHAIR) I
suppose I'm overtired.
Doing my
work and his too.
Work all day,
public relations all night.
wonder the firm ent down, with me
shouldering the entire burden.
Sir George Armstrong!
Sir! Can
you imagine anything so ridiculous?
It's a veneer, that's all.
You get
a 'sir' when the veneer's successful.
It means you're a nobody.
Take
Winston Churchill.
People said he:
should never have: taken that title
after the war because he was already
a somebody.
He didn't need it.
He vasn't just a veneer.
But this:
bloke is.
Sir George Armstrong!
Sir!
CUT. TO JACK'S. DARK-TROUSERED. LEGS
HURRYING. ALONG FHE OFFICE CORRIDOR.
CUT TO THE CLERK (AGAIN IT IS JACK)
PEEPING OUT OF HIS ROOM.
CLERK : A- quarter to nine! : What
the hell's up with. you this morning!
CUT TO A PLANE TOUCHING DOWN ON A
RUNWAY. CUT TO THE ARRIVALS BOARD
SHOWING 'FROM BREMEN 2. 50 p.m.'


CUT TO A. CHAUFFEUR-DRIVEN CAR
DRAWING. UP OUTSIDE AN OFFICE BLOCK.
THE SECRETARY (IT IS MABEL) GETS
OUT AND HOLDS THE DOOR OPEN FOR A
MAN IN A HOMBURG..
THE TOP OF HIS
HAT IS ALL WE SEE. OF HIM. AT FIRST,
CLIMBING OUT OF THE CAR, WITH A.
BRIEFCASE.
IT IS JACK.
HE HAS
TWO DUEL WOUNDS ACROSS. HIS CHEEK.
SCHUTZ:: Bitte halten-Sie---
HE HOLDS OUT HIS BRIEFCASE FOR HER
TO HOLD. AS HE WISHES TO SNEEZE. SHE
TAKES IT AND HE SNEEZES INTO A HAND-
KERCHIEF.
SCHUTZ (TO HIMSELF) - Schon wieder
ein schnupfen!:
BACKTRACK AS THEY ADVANCE UP THE
OFFICE BLOCK STEPS..
CUT TO JACK AT HIS OFFICE DESK
SNEEZING INTO A HANDKERCHIEF.
HIS
SECRETARY---STILL MABEL---COMES IN.
SECRETARY: He s. arrived. He's got
two sword-wounds across his cheek.
JACK:
That'll show Sir: George!
SECRETARY: He's waiting to see. you.
JACK:: Me? I've got a cold!
SECRETARY (LEAVING)
So has he.
CUT TO ANOTHER. OFFICE IN THE BUILD-
ING WITH SCHUTZ BEHIND THE DESK AND
A. SECRETARY---AGAIN IT IS MABEL---TAK-
ING NOTES. AT HIS SIDE.
SCHUTZ:: My name is Schuitz.
SECRETARY: Yes Mr Shoots.
SCHUTZ:
Not Shoots, Schutz.
SECRETARY: Shits.
SCHUTZ (WITH A QUKET GLARE) OK
just call me Shoots. Take a note
for George Armstrong.
'Dear Arm-
strong, I look forward to seeing you
this evening for dinner. My wife toa.
I'd telephone you at your home but
I know you hate phones.' (TO SEC-
RETARY) A. business man hates phones!
Can you beat that? And get it round


to his home right away, since he
don't ever come to the office after-
noons. By the way what kind of a
man is this?
SECRETARY:
Sir George? Oh he's
very nice!
SCHUTZ: You said 'sir'?
SECRETARY:
That's right.
That
letter ought to read 'Dear Sir
George I I. think.
SCHUTZ: You said it with a light
in your eye.
That 'sir'.
impresses. people.
Like these duel
vounds you keep looking at. It's
a message from. the hot-blooded past.
And the foreigners. love it! Like
Sir Vinston Churchill! Yes, I
think Sir George Armstrong may still
be of use to me! I
CUT TO JACK BENTLEY'S DRESSING ROOM
WITH HIM FIXING HIS TIE AND MABEL
GETTING INTO A DRESS.
JACK (WITH A CERTAIN ANGUISH)
Mabel. He looks like me too.
MABEL: Who. does?
JACK:
Shoots.
The partner from
Bremen.
Like me with a couple of
sword-cuts across. here.
SHE WALKS OUT WITH PURSED LIPS.
JACK (TO THE MIRROR)
And guess
what? He's asking George Armstrong
to stay on. As a figurehead.
Which is all he ever was. No,
titles are out!
And people like
me are in! Old Shoots'li wake up
to it in time!
CUT TO A PARTY DOWNSTAIRS. PUSH
IN TO SIR. GEORGE ARMSTRONG IN A
SMOKING JACKET: IT IS JACK. HE
IS TALKING TO MABEL.
JACK'S VOICE OVER? Relax every-
body!
Remember we're just one big
unhappy family!
ARMSTRONG. (AFTER A SOUR GLANCE
TOWARDS. THE DOOR) Nice chap old.
Shoots.
Our man from Bremen you
know.. Hand'some wife too. He


said to me, come back as our
figurehead. (LAUGHING) Not on
your aunt Nelly I saidi I'm.
retiring!.
CUT TO SCHUTZ'S OFFICE WITH SCHUTZ
AGAIN GIVING, NOTES TO THE SECRETARY.
SCHUTZ: Who's. the chap with the
cold?
SECRETARY: That's Mr Bentley.
SCUTZ: Invite him to my place
for a tête-à-tete.
All he does is
give parties.
Public relations is
morethan private relations.
You
have. to do some work as well.
SECRETARY: Shall I tell him that?
SCHUTZ: No I. will. At the tete-
à-tete.
CUT TO JACK BENTLEY'S DRESSING ROOM
WITH HIM FIXING HIS TEI AND MABEL
GETTING INTO A DRESS. L
JACK: It's all very well for you.
It's not happening to you.
But
she's just like you!:
MABEL:: Who is?.
JACK: My secrtary!
So is Shoots's
secretary. So is Armstrong'st
They're all like you! And if Mrs
Shoots is I give upI
SHE HUMS.
JACK: I don't seem to know who I
am any more. I mean I did have a
past. My father was real, wasn't
he? He worked on the failways.
He used to see first-class passengers
to their compartments and lock the
door# against strangers and get a
nice tip for it at the end of the
week.
All that's real. He wasn't
a public relation!
He knew who he
was! Oh well, I suppose he was
only playing a part. Like Sir
George is playing a part.
But
I've got no parts to play.
They've
all run out now! There are just
relations---public relations!
Mabel.
MABEL: Yes.


JACK:
Who are you?
MABEL: The same as everybody else
of coursel
CUT TO ANOTHER PARTY AND PUSH IN
TO SIR GEORGE ARMSTRONG TALKING TO
BENTLEY'S SECRETARY (MABEL).
JACK'S VOICE OVER:
Remember we're
just one big unhappy family!
ARMSTRONG (TO THE SECRETARY)
Rarely, why does he go on saying
that?
SECRETARY: Nerves I expect.
ARMSTRONG:
Yes, times have
changed, haven't they? People's
nerves were sounder you know. I
remember before the war I used to
catch the six-seventeen to Eoking
and the same chap was. there every
night, we called. him Fred, he opened
the compartment door for us and
locked. us in and collected his tip
at the end of the week and got
soused on it!
CUT TO SCHUTZ'S OFFICE. HE IS
AGAIN AT HIS DESK GIVING NOTES TO
HIS SECRETARY (MABEL).
SCHUTZ.: Fake down this memorandum
for the man who gives too many
parties.
His name again?
SECRETARY: Jack Bentley.
SCHUTZ:
Right tell Jack Bentley
to move into Sir George Armstrong's
office when Sir George Armstrong
moves out.. I reckon if you can
make one figurehead you can make
two.
And get me my buddy in the
German embassy.
CUT TO JACK'S DARK-TROUSERED LEGS
HURRYING ALONG THE CORRIDOR. PAN
UP TO A VERY HEAVY BRIEFCASE. CUT
TO THE CLERK---IT IS JACK---PEEPING
OUT OF HIS ROOM.
CLERK:: Ay ay, early again. You'll
be in with the milk next.
CUT TO JACK ENTERING ARMSTRONG'S
GRAND OFFICE WITH STONISHMENT.


CUT TO. JACK BENTLEY'S SITTING
ROOM: WITH. MABEL BEHIND A NEWSPAPER
AND JACK IN HIS WORRIED POSITION
AT THE HEARTH.
JACK:
Guess: what? This'll make
you look up. Money always. does.
I've moved into Sir George Armstrong's
office.
Sir George Armstrong has
MABEL (SLAMMING DOWN HER PAPER)
What?
JACK: I'm sitting there like a
cardboard king all day and the phone
never rings.
I almost went down
on my knees this afternoon asking
for some work to do.
But the old
kraut keeps telling me to relax.
He doesn't realise I'm suffering
from delusions, that I see myself
everywhere, even in him!
(MABEL
RETURNS QUIETLY TO HER PAP ER)
I wish to God I could discover just
one characteristic really and truly
my own. Even Mabel---I mean Joyce-
doesn't come: to see me any more.
I sent him
a memorandum, today
and he sent "It back with ahote,
'Givetoo many parties.' Firts I
mustn't give parties and now I
must.. No wonder the Germans are
a war-like people, if theg get
mucked about like that.
CUT TO ANOTHER PARTY AND PUSH IN
TO JACK AND MABEL.
MABEL: Shouldn't you be over
there? They're looking rather dry.
JACK: What do you mean? It's
Shoots's party, not mine! In fact
everything's his nowadays.
He's
even started taking out my secretary.
I've half a mind-
MABEL: What?
JACK:: To take out his wife!
CUT. TO A COSY CORNER OF A RESTAURAN T
WHERE JACK AND MRS SCHUTZ ARE DINING
TOGETHER. MRS SCHUTZ IS MABEL.
SHE IS LAUGHING HELPLESSLY.
JACK: No honestly, Mabel---I mean
Mrs Shoots---


MRS SCHUTZ: Ich lache mich todt!
JACK:
But it's true! You're so
like her---I mean everything---
your hair (TOUCHING HER HAIR LIGHT-
LY, WHICH BRINGS A SCREAM OF LAUGHTER
FROM HER), your teeth, even your
teeth!
MRS SCHUTZ:
Please, oh, please!
CUT TO SCHUTZ'S OFFICE WITH HIM AT
THE PHONE AND THE SECRETARY AT
HER. PLACE BY THE DESK.
SCHUTZ: Ya ya. Also danke vielmals
Herr Doktor! Ya ya alles klar!
HE SLAMS. DOWN THE RECEIVER.
SCHUTZ (TO MABEL)
Right you can
tell our resident funny man upstairs
to dine with me this evening, alone.
I've just pulled a string harder
than I've ever pulled anything.
And the string leads to Buckingham
Palace.
SECRETARY: You do mean Mr Bentley
air don't you?.
SCHUTZ: I do not mean Mr Bentley
sir,: I mean Sir Bentley.
CUT TO JACK BENTLEY'S SITTING ROOM
WITH MABEL TAKING IT EASY BEHIND A
NEWSPAPER. THE CLOCK CHIMES TEN
PEACEFULLY.
ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE
IS THE CRASH OF THE FRONT DOOR OPEN-
ING AND SLAMMING CLOSED, THEN RUSH-
ING STEPS ACROSS THE HALL. THE
SITTING-ROOM DOOR IS THROWN OPEN.
AND JACK HURLS HIMSELF IN TOGERHER
WITH HAT AND OVERCOAT AND BRIEFCASE.
JACK:
Guess: what? Here, do you
know what he s done? He's---he's--
put. my name ap for---! He says
if I don't he'll fire me---he's---
MABEL: Who?
JACK: Shoots. He's getting me
knighted..
MA BEL: Knighted?
JACK:: 'Sir Jack Bentley'! 'Sir
Jack', of all damnfool titles! And
if I don't accept he 'l1 hound me out


of the tfadel: He says he'll see
I get no private let alone public
relations for the rest of my life!
Do you realise what s happening to
me?. He's putting a veneer on me!
He's making me a figurehead! He says
foreigners fall for sirs and even
Englishmen don't mind it!
Well I
won' 't stand for it!
I. won't be
blackmailed into a fake aristocracy!
MABEL: Is it worth more money?
JACK: Three times as much.
MABEL:
and.
Then we can move to Henley!
JACK:
JACK: You see? I know everybody's
thoughts. Except apparently my dwn.
Can' 't you help?. Can't you think of
other things than Henley and riches?
I am your husband after all. And
I don't. feel real!
MABEL (DIALLING) I. must ring round.
to all our friends!.
CUT TO JACK'S DARK-TROUSERED LEGS
RUSHING ALONG THE OFFICE CORRIDOR.
HE TURNS INTO HIS ROOM.. CUT TO HIM
SHOUTING INTO THE DESK RELAY SYSTEM,
HIS OVERCOAT STILL. ON.
JACK:: Get me Mr Shoots!
GIRL'S VOICE ON DESK RELAY: He
isn't available sir!
JACK: Well make him available.
HE SWITCHES OFF BUT SUDDENLY SWITCHES
ON AGAIN TO ADD SOMETHING.
JACK:
And don't call me sir!
HE SWITCHES OFF AGAIN.
JACK (CALLING)
Joyce! Joyce!
HE GOES TO THE CORRIDOR BUT FINDS
NO ONE. HE RETURNS TO THE: DESK
AND PICKS UP THE PHONE.
JACK:: Hullo, hullo, get me my
wife. Bentley of course!... Hullo
is that Joyce I mean Mabel? Look
don't phone round to any more
What? What?


Well I won't move
"enley! I
won't!. And I won te be called Sir
Jack!
CUT TO SCHUTZ'S OFFICE. HE IS AT
HIS DESK WITH THE. SECRETARY.
SCHUTZ: Just take down this letter.
Dear Hans, This is in English as the
secretaries here speak it. Since
Sir George Armstrong retired we've
made. a two-percent increase in home
sales, a point-five percent increase
in foreign sales. Now my justific-
ation for putting Bentley in Arm-
strong s place and trebling his
salary is that he has a gift, which
in fact my wife was the first to
recognise.
He can make people
laugh without. having anything funny
to say. People begin to feel a
certain recklessness in his presence.
Now before I came over here he was
just a routine kind of worker. In
fact I was going to troubleshoot the
bastard out of our lives, but one
day he asked my wife to dinner and
I said to her OK go Trudi. She
comes back screaming with laughter.
It seems he don't know who he is.
He sees himself and his wife every-
where.
In other words he is.
creckers.
Now that's ideal for a.
figurehead.
If he don't know who
he is, we can tell him! Anyway,
I purchased a couple of hundred
thousand marksworth of peemium bonds
and donated twenty thousand to
various, charities, and put Jack
Bentley s name to the whole damn
lot,. so-he'll get a knighthood,
after much sweat and toil on my part.
and the help of Kurt Haffner at the
German embassy.. Now he can be a.
figurehead like Sir George Armstrong,
only a good one.
Hans old cuss,
how do you like my English? Dein.
freund, Helmut.
BEBRETARY: Dine---?
SCHUTZ:
Dein-- (TAKING HER
PENCIL).
Allow me. You know,
God scattered. the peoples across
the face of the earth and divided
their language into many tongues,
and a hell of a long time ago.
Never hear about it? Genesis
eleven, seven.
Now snd this
memorandum up to Sir Jack Bentley.


He talks your language.
SECRETARY:
Sir Jack Bentley!
SCHUTZ: He's being knighted.
I said so in my letter! Don't
you understand English either?
Well let the rest of the staff know
too.. In fact from now on you can
call him Sir Bentley, not Bentley
sir. Ah! (RELAZING AND TAKING OUT
A CIGAR)
I've certainly shot a
load of trouble away from this firm!
DISSOLVE TO ANOTHER PARTY AND PUSH
IN TO SIR GEORGE ARMSTRONG TALKING
TO BENTLEY'S SECRETARY.
ARMSTRONG: Have you seen the
Honours. List?
SECRETARY:
Oh we knew all about
that months ago.
ARMSTRONG:
But (TAKING OUT A
FOLDED NEWSPAPER, AFGER Ai QUICK
GLANCE ROUND)---did you know about
this? This?
HE. POINTS TO THE PHOTOGRAPH.
SECRETARY (LOOKING) Oh yes months
CUT TO JACK'S DRESSENG ROOM WITH
HIM REMOVING HIS TIE.
MABEL COMES
IN WITH SEVERAL NEWSPAPERS TUCKED
UNDER HER ARM.
JACK:
Look you can keep those
papers away from me because I'm not
interested. And look, look.
(GRABBING A NEWSPAPER FROM HER)
That photograph is me isn't it?
CLOSE UP OF PHOTOGRAPH OF JACK
CAPTIONED 'SIR JACK BENTLEY'.
MABEL:
Yes.
JACK:
Well it's the same photo-
graph as that one of. Sir George
Armstrong a few months ago. Yes
it is. At least it is for me.
Life's stranger than you think!
Never work against anybody, Mabel.
It means you want to be like him.
Well I'm certainly like him nowo
Even the clerk down the corridor


doesn't scowl at me any more.
I've lost all my friends.
least all my London School of
Economics friends.
SHE SLIPS OUT..
JACK (TO THE MIRROR). How how how:
can I get back to myself? Because
I must have lost me somewhere. If
I was myself I'd just stand up and
say go to hell! But instead I just
go on doing the routine things.
My legs walk me to bed.
They walk
me. to the office in the morning.
I don't seem to have much to do
with it!
CUT TO JACK'S OFFICE.
HE IS BEHIN D
THE DESK, IDLE.. MR SCHUTZ'S SECRET-
ARY ENTERS.
SECRETARY: Mr. Shoots is leaving
for Bremen.. He: would like to say
good bye.
JACK (RISING WITH A. QUIET BEAM)
That will be more than a pleasure.
CUT TO JACK'S. SITTING ROOM. MABEL
IS SITTING BY THE FIRE BEHIND A
NEWSPAPER.
JACK COMES IN FROM
WORK IN HIS OVERCAOT..
JACK: Well I won't have him
breathing down my neck any more.
Shoots I mean. He's gone. I'm
alone now! I8m top of the heap!
I've been sat on, turned into a
figgrehead, but now we'll see who's
MABEL: There's a photograph of
them here.
JACK (UNCOMFORTABLE)
Who?
MABEL: Shoots and Armstrong.
They're saying good bye at the
airport.
JACK:
Let me. see: it.
(TAKING
THE PAPER). Are. they still---?
AFTER A GLANCE AT THE PAPER HE
LETS IT FALL SADLY BACK INTO HER
LAP.
JACK:
I'll never be myself!
It seems everybady else is busy


being that.
But I won't stand
for it any more!
I won't!
CUT TO HIS OFFICE. NEXT MORNING
WITH HIM JUST ARRIVING, RUBBING HIS
HANDS.
JACK:
Right I'm cock of the walk
now! I'm the groubleshooter, and
by God the trouble I'm going to
shoot is me!! (STOPPING) Why
did I say. that? (SUBSIDING INTO
HIS CHAIR)
Funny. Indon't feel
like coming into the office after-
noons any more.
Just like Sir
George. I'm not getting like him
am I?. Because I'm not him! But
wait a minute. Why shouldn't I be
like Sir George? I. mean just for
argument's sake.
Well I hate him.
But why do you hate him? Because
he's a sir.
But you're a sir now
too! Then I hate myself!
Well I
Now suppose he hates himself
in me as. much as I hate me in him?
Suppose we all hate ourselves? Then
ee're all the same!
We are the
same person! Now suppose I start
liking him?. And liking Shoots?
And even Mabel? Yes,, I hate Mabel
too! That's why I. see her every-
where! But if I love 'em all, I'm
free! Don't you see? That means
I can love myself!
And then I don't
care who I am! I don't give a dam n
about public relations, I---
THE DESK RELAY SYSTEM SWITCHES ON.
GIRLS'S VOICE: Are you there Sir
Jack?
JACK: No I'm not.
I disappeared
miraculously thirty seconds ago.
GIRL'S VOICE:
A. GASP ANDGIGGLE ARE CUT OFF BY THE
FLICK OF A. SWITCH.
JACK SWITCHES
ON HIS RELAY.
JACK:
And don't call me sir.
HE SWITCHES ON AGAIN, HAVING JUST
SWITCHEB OFF..
JACK:
And send Joyce in here.
HE SWITCHES. OFF. os


JACK:: That's right.
JOYCE COMES IN.
SHE IS NOT MABEL.
HE STARES AT HER.
JACK:. Joyce!: Joyce! You aren't
my wife any more!
SHE GAPES TOQ.
JACK: You've come back.
Joyce!
Isn't it marvellous?
I'm not Sir
Jack, or even Bentley! I'm not
any name at all!
I'm ME!
SHE TRIES TO MAKE AN ALARMED GETAWAY
BUT HE GRABS HER AND DANCES HER ROUND
THE ROOM. AS THE TITLES COME UP.
THE END.