THE OPEN PAN SYSTEM
One Act
Maurice Rowdon
THEPROPERTY OF:
Pertslade Productions Ltd
5-Tamworth Street
London SW6


CHARACTERS
ARTHUR
KATE, his wife
JOHN, their butler


NOTE
The play is set in 1901.
Queen Victoria is not
yet dead but it is a very different world from that of
1837 when she came to the throne as a girl of eighteen.
Edward, her son, of whom it was said that he had diamonds
grafted on to his penis for added gratification, really
sets the tone.
The times are amiably self-indulgent,
flatulent and brutally direct in the matter of the divis-
ion of people into rich and poor, wanted and unwanted.
In some well-appointed people there is a dash of civilisa-
tion, soon to be surrendered to the money-battalions who
are really keeping the 'aristocracy' alive, and of whom
ARTHUR and KATE in this play are prominent captains.
For ARTHUR and KATE the civilised strain in the
faltering 'aristocracy' is simply decadence, though
ARTHUR has endowed enough charities to be on the waiting
list of future knights; and some of his products have
found their way into the palaces of Sandringham and
Osborne. Having a 'knob' to your name is commercially
useful.
This piece should be played with an unhesitating
robustness which would be healthy were it not for the
paralysing inhibitions, especially in the sexual area,
that crave to expose themselves.
These are never appar-
ent in the course of the action of this play: the
style of conversation between ARTHUR and KATE, the carefully
formal relationship by means of which a brutally carnal
sex-life is liceneed and enhanced, cannot be allowed a
moment of relaxation.
A whole social order seems to
depend on it. But this is not in the nature of an
artificial self-control (the fictitious British 'self-
control' was always in fact a matter of sex-perversion):
it is a spontaneous function of the glands, so to speak,
a concealment so artfully and totally practised that it
excites and inflames the desires it purports to deny the
existence of.
When ARTHUR and KATE have sex together
the room is dark, but not entirely, and they fall on
each other in the clothed state, without a word said,
and strip each other bare with furtive hands, as if the
act were a bank-robbery, and no one else in the house
must know.
So in this piece there is a certain conspir-
atorial backgrounato everything they say, whatever the
subject.
Their business adapts itself ideally to this
mode of concealment.
ARTHUR is apparently a straight-
forward man, brusque, flushed with good living and hard,
excessively punctual and regular work which gives him
his air of untroubled complacency, while KATE, the
curator of their sexual archives, maintains a steady


moral front---in the way she speaks and moves and looks
at things---which makes her actual hot carnality and her
burrowing intelligence (far greater than her husband's)
all the more exciting for herself and her husband to wit-
ness when, for the briefest of moments, like in a strip-
tease act, they are exposed.
Nothing of what ARTHUR and
KATE really are should ever be overt, in the course of
this play.
It should all be deduction, hint, the small-
est of movements and gestures (but even then these only
refer to an inner state circumspectly, in a symbolism
that the actor will have to discover slowly in his study
of the character's powerful outer forms).
JOHN, the
servant, is almost a fellow-conspirator.
In the bedroom
ARTHUR and KATE never trouble to clear up after an act
of sex, and, contradictory as it may seem, wet sheets
are simply crumpled up and thrown in a corner for JOHN or
the housekeeper to dispose of. ARTHUR and KATE are
Edwardians, not puritans: business belongs to the
evangelical, while desire belongs to subversion, conspir-
acy, assassination.
The latter contains all the ecstasies
which the former with its 'work leads to grace' forbids.
Already in 1901 the evangelical part is giving way to
the self-indulgent part, and the young gentleman sent
abroad to administer history's biggest empire is now
only just bright enough and energetic enough to follow
his father's brief. The evangelicalism of the mid-
nineteenth century looked on self-indulgence as leading
to hell.
But for ARTHUR and KATE things are different:
the exngelicalism finances the self-indulgence, while
on the surface nothing has changed at all and God still
speaks in English.
There are more rich than before-
and more poor.
Not that the poor are living in a greatly
different style from the rich, except that they lack
proper means. They work harder, and indulge themselves
harder.
There is no real health anywhere. The worst
war ever to have hit humanity will in thirteen years
prove this. Meanwhile the preacher-criminal ARTHUR and
the preacher-vhore KATE are indomitable.


The year is 1901.
The place is
London.
The set may indicate the
period and the prosperous status of
the characters with a bombée side-
board, a gilded table and a couple
of bobbled easy chairs.
KATE is alone, seated.
She is
looking at what seems to be a
collection of designs.
A lavatory is flushed, off.
She
looks up, gazes before her, returns
to her collection.
The door is opened, and the butler
JOHN is there.
JOHN:
The young man from the works brought a large book
long ma'am (pronounced almost like 'mum'). Ah,
you have it.
KATE looks up slowly. She nods.
JOHI (cont.) Master's just in ma'am. I'm keeping the
motor car at the front ma'am, is that right?
KATE:
We shall leave at seven John.
JOHN (about to withdraw)
Yes ma'am.
ARTHUR appears behind JOHN, in
his overcoat.
JOHN (cont., aware of ARTHUR) Ah, there you are,sir.
May I take your coat?
ARTHUR: If you let me get into my own sitting room first,
yes.
(Squeezing unceremonially past JOHN, who
appears unruffled by this) Hullo my dear.
KATE rises.
ARTHUR (looking at the designs as they kiss)
Are those
the famous designs?
KATE:
Yes.
(To JOHN) Perhaps master would like some
coffee.


ARTHUR: No.
KATE:
Very well John.
JOHN takes ARTHUR'S hat and coat.
JOHN (leaving)
Thank you ma'am.
KATE sits again while ARTHUR
paces about in a rather agitated
way.
KATE (turning a page of the designs)
Some of these are
very exciting.
ARTHUR: Yes, yes.
KATE (looking up)
What's happened?
ARTHUR: It's hardly anything at all.
But it's funny
how it can get under your skin.
KATE:
What?
ARTHUR: Something that happens in another company, and
something quite ludicrous which is only going to
do that company harm.
KATE:
Arkwright's?
ARTHUR: No. Not Arkwirght's!
They can be relied to
turn out sound goods, soundly designed. I can
only benefit from competition of that kind.
KATE:
Samson's?
ARTHUR: Wrong again!
It's the one firm that can hold a
candle to mine.
And perhaps that's what troubles
me. Shawcross and Brightstone!
KATE:
Shawcross and Brightstone!
But if they're going
to harm themselves, that could only do you good
surely!
ARTHUR: You see Kate it's rather like the ocean.
If a
storm comes up it isn't only one ship gets the
buffetting.
We all do.
KATE:
And what's he done to create a storm?
ARTHUR (sitting down with a sigh) Perhaps I'm exaggerating.
(Looking at her across the table) Partly it's a
feeling in me that I could have got there first.
Because I've had such a design in my mind for years.
Only I kept quiet about it. I couldn't imagine--
vell, this is exaggerating too---but I couldn't
inagine anyone daring to do it! And you know the


perversity of our world Kate, whatis daring
today is accepted practice tomorrow!
KATE:
But you've got the most brilliant designer in
the business---(tapping the designs) look at
this!
ARTHUR: I rather fear that young Roberts is good for
producing provocative designs with a minority
appeal. They pleaseyou and they please me,
and they're ajoy for the foundries to work on,
but something's astir in the Shawcross and Bright-
stone firm, some audacity if you want: to put it
like that, which can produce the provocative of
wide appeal. - They know the right mixture---
a touch of vulgarity, more than a touch!--
and just enough old line and finish to smooth
over the vulgarity---because you know and I know
that the new only appeals to. the minority, and
that the majority have to be given the illusion
of something new, something based on yesterday's
revoluthons, yesterday's pioneers!
KATE (sitting back and closing the designs with some
irritation) And now perhaps you will tell me,.
Arthur, what Shawcross and Brightstone have
produced.
ARTHUR (jumping up and pacing again) Here's precisely
their devilry--- the fact that I can't---not even
to my own wife---least of all to her! Yet I'm
aware that the very forbidden quality, the un-
mentionable nature of what they have done is the
very thing that will : give it worldwide success,
even to the point of making young Roberts's
projects---though "you-know and I know that they
are real quality, the firstfruit of study and
concentration and I might say quite a bit of
dedication too, of a - quiet sort---where was I?
KATE. (coolly); You were saying that the Shawcross and
Brightstone design could make young Roberts's
projects--
ARTHUR: Yes---could drive them off the market---could
even drive off our safe-selling lines, and
Arkwright's too, not to say Samson's!
KATE:
(Standing)
Arthur, I must know what this
is all about. I can't see you worried like this!
JOHN enters.
JOHN:
You should be dressing sir.
It's turning half
past six.
ARTHUR (to KATE)
We can't go.
Qhat do you say?
KATE (to JOHN)
You may send the car to the garage, John.


Master has far too much on his mind for the
theatre this evening.
JOHN:
Yes ma'am. (To ARTHUR) I hope it's nothing
affecting business sir?
ARTHUR: No, no---I mean, not my business---somebody else's,
though I fear it will be my business very soon.
JOHN:
May I prepare you a coffee with a dash of bràndy
sir? It helps the brain.
ARTHUR: No thank you John, it's very good of you but I'll
keep my gastric juices free for dinner---which by
the way (to KATE) we shall need earlier surely?
KATE 4to JOHN)
I'll be down in the kitchen in a few
minutes.
Very :well.
JOHN:
Thank you ma'am.
JOHN withdraws.
KATE:
Now perhaps you'll talk.
ARTHUR (his back turned) How can I put it Kate?--
you know my awful habit of eating coffee beans--
call John back!
KATE:
What are you saying Arthur?
She goes to the door and opens it.
KATE (cont., calling quietly) John!. Come back please.
JOHN returns.
KATE (cont.) The master wants a word with you.
ARTHUR (to JOHN) Bring me a glass of water John.
JOHN:
Isn't that rather.heavy for the stomach sir?
At least let me put a dash of Scotch!
ARTHUR: It isn't to drink.
JOHN (puzzled) Ah yes, sir.
JOHN withdraws.
ARTHUR (striding to the door and pulling it open again)
And bring some coffee beans John!
And an
empty glass.
KATE:
You're not going to eat coffee beans before my
eyes Arthur!
ARTHUR (thoroughly irritated)
They are not for eating!


KATE looks at him with the same
puzzlement as JOHN.
KATE:
You've made me quite nervous.
ARTHUR: There are simply certain things that can't be
set out clearly for all to see, especially from
man to woman. I'm sorry Kate but you'll just
have to be patient!
This is a bridge we shall
have to cross most carefully, and not at too quick
a pace.
So just bear with me.
KATE:
Very well, Arthur, I'm sure you do everything for
the best.
A lavatory is flushed again, off.
He stops, looks at her.
ARTHUR: Who might that be?
KATE:
I can't imagine.
The servants know very well
that they must never use a house-convenience.
And that applies to the housekeeper as well.
ARTHUR: Could it be John?
KATE:
Impossible!
ARTHUR: Suppose you call him in and ask?
KATE:
Isn't such a question rather indelicate, coming
from me? Suppose you ask him yourself-
ARTHUR: I will, don't worry!
KATE:
And when you're dressing please, not here, in
front of me!
JOHN appears again and ARTHUR all
but grabs the two glasses he is
carrying, one of them full of
water, and the handfull of coffee
beans.
KATE (to JOIIN)
Very well John.
JOHN:
Thank you ma'an.
JOIIN withdraws.
ARTHUR quickly swallows a coffee
bean as he brings the slasses to
the table.
KATE:
Arthur, the doctor forbade you ever to do that
again!


ARTHUR: Damn the doctor!
KATE:
Well!
ARTHUR: I'm sorry my dear but this is a critical
moment---now please listen to me---here is a
coffee bean (holding it between his fingers)--
it has a certain aroma (putting it to this nose)--
now drop it into water (dropping it into the
glass of water) and the aroma is at this instant,
immediately on contact with the water, forgotten,
a thing of the past!
Water encapsulates,
annihilates odour!
Now (tipping, a number of
coffee beans into the empty glass) what happens
when there is no water? The sight and the aroma
remain!
KATE (staring)
What?
ARTHUR: Exactly!
That's how I looked, and what I said,
when it was explained to me! (taking the glass
of water again) Only afterwards, and how long
afterwards depends on the client, comes the water,
and only a small amount at that! (Tipping a
little water into the empty glass so as just to
cover the coffee beans).
In full view, and
with the aroma hardly influenced, the beans are
swept away!
KATE:
But it's barbarous!
It's perverted!
What
clients exist who'd want such a thing?
ARTHUR: That's what I'm saying---the very fact that no one
wants it, the very fact of its outrageousness,
will make it desirable!
You know that and I
know that!
KATE (still staring that the glass)
But in full view---
and entirely unsprinkled with water---!
She turns away.
There is silence.
KATE (cont., quietly)
How can David Shawcross conceive
such a thing, allow a designer to so much as put
the blueprint before him?
ARTHUR: Ah, thereby hangs a tale my dear---you have worked
and I have worked for a certain quality, not for
success at any price, a comfortable home and
servants at any price! Our success has been the
measure of our dedication, our obstinate attach-
ment to form and style, with just that little
touch of panache enough to give the form and style
a contrasting background against which to set
itself off all the better! What was I saying?
KATE:
That our products are prestige products..


ARTHUR: Ah yes!
And at one brutal stroke the business
is set back a century, we may as well return to
Well, I won't go on.
Silence again, while they reflect.
KATE:
And what leads you to believe, Arthur, that this
is going to take the world by storm?
ARTHUR: General education, my dear, leads to a general
decline in taste.
Have you observed the new
buildings along Victoria Street? Have you compared
them with those from a century ago?
KATE:
But I simply can't believe that clients are to be
found who would wish to be seen to be wanting
not to immediately annihilate sight and aroma!
Who do we know who would shamelessly stand in a
showroom and ask for such a specification?
ARTHUR: There'll be no need to ask.
Shawcross and
Brightstone aren't fools. They've given it a
royal name.
I think, the Hanoverian.
And
all you do is ask for that.
It even has a crown
above the title, in gold!
KATE:
Then, Arthur (pausing to look at him)---what were
you doing with this same project in your head?
You said a moment ago that you had been wanting
to develop this very thing for years and hadn't
dared.
ARTAUR: Oh you know how it is Kate---the most frightful
thoughts occur to one, at least to a man---if we
had to account for every absurdity that came
into our heads we'd be in trouble indeed!
KATE:
But is it such an absurdity?
ARTHUR: What?
KATE:
If Shawcross and Brightstone can produce that
thing for a large market, can we rule it out as
an absurdity? especially as, shameless and brutal
as it is, and even just because of its open
brutality, it's going to sell? How can we afford
to sit like spectators and simply say it's absurd,
and watch the market slipping from our hands?
ARIHUR: You know and I know Kate that absurdities don't
last. They sell out in a week and then are
never heard of again. Whereas quality, whether
this year's or next year's, has staying power,
and that's where we come in!
KATE:
But suppose The Hanoverian doesn't sell out


in a week? Suppose it not only stays but
becones the most popular line on the market,
making our designs look timid and old-fashioned?
(Taking the coffee beans) Now how exactly is
the receiving area designed? From which direct-
ion does the water do its work?
ARTHUR: From above.
(Uncertainly)
So I imagine.
KATE:
But have you seen a design?
ARTHUR: More than a design.
An actual life-drawing,
from two aspects, sectionally and from above.
KATE:
And the receiving area is conventionally round?
ARTIIUR: And waterless.
And only slightly concave at the
base.
In this way (taking the coffee beans from
her, cupping his left hand slightly and then pouring
the coffee beans into it).
KATE:
Then the water acts normally, from all sides and
above?
ARTHUR: Yes. The bean is shifted thus by the water--
(pushing the beans off his palm sideways on to the
table). This area (pointing to where the beans
have fallen) is a concealed area behind the receiving
platform. There, so to speak, lies the normal and
conventional service, which now disposes of the
coffee bean, instead of temporarily annihilating
and veiling it with water at once, as in all other
designs.
KATE goes to the door.
ARTHUR
watches her with interest.
KATE (opening the door and calling)
John!
(to ARTHUR)
I don't think we should give up this easily.
I want to show you something that may well be an
acceptable compromise, and more successful on the
market than what Shawcross and Brightstone have
done.
ARTHUR: Yes but Kate!
Either you don't annihilate the
aroma etc or you do, and---!
JOHN appears.
JOHN:
KATE (taking the glasses to him)
I want you to get me my
china jewel box and
powder bowl. And some
more coffee beans. Pupoyd the box and the bowl
before you bring them.
He stares at her.


JOHN:
Empty the pouder ma'am?
KATE:
Well just remove the powder puff.
JOHN:
Yes ma'am. (Looking into one of the glasses he
has taken, and then at her) Ma'am I had strict
instructions not to put coffee beans where master
might be tempted to eat them.
KATE:
He isn't eating these.
This is for business.
JOHN (looking at her then at ARTHUR, with a sniff) Yes
ma' 'am. (On his way to the door but stopping)
Your jewel box and your powder bowl ma 'am: if
ma'am would prefer to do her toilet here should
I bring a mirror?
KATE:
Try to understand that master and I are discussing
business.
JOHN:
Thank you ma'am.
And I am to remove the puff.
KATE:
Yes John.
JOHN leaves.
ARTHUR: I never thought to have my own servants spying on
KATE:
Doctor's orders were very strict!
You were eating
dozens a day, Arthur, and I couldn't allow your
health to deteriorate!
ARTHUR (with a sigh)
I've never been able to account for
that craving. Even now---I can see those few
beans on the table which you've clearly forgotten---
and it's all I can do not to cram them into my
mouth!
KATE (taking the coffee beans)
That's easily settled.
And we shall use something else when discussing
business in the future!
ARTHUR: But they are apt---and---1ife-like...
JOHN enters again with a china
jewel box and a powder bowl.
JOHK (with a cautionary look at ARTHUR as he puts the
objects on to the table and then fetches some
more beans out of his pocket) Here you are
ma'am. light I sugsest you examine master's
pockets in case he's concealed some beans as I
gave him considerably more than you seem to be
able to account for ma'am.


KATE (showing the beans she has taken from the table) I
overlooked these.
JOHI:
Thank you ma'am. But a considerable number
have disappeared just the same (with another
look at ARTHUR).
KATE:
Very well John.
JOHK:
Thank you ma'am.
JOHN leaves.
ARTHUR: I'll have him taking my temperature next!
KATE (going to him and dipping into his pockets)
You
ought to be thankful that your man concerns
hinself about your health.
You mustn't confuse
devotion with interference Arthur.
And look
at all these (pulling out handfulls)!
ARTHUR (ashamed)
I'm sorry.
KATE (putting the beans on the table) Arthur---perhaps
Shawcross and Brightstone have hit on a truth--
look at your craving for beans, how you treasure
sight and aroma and will do' anything to have them
on your person--- -could it.be that in some of us
there is a similar craving for other things?
ARTHUR (shocked)
But Kate---! I eat them!
You can't
be suggesting---!
KATE:
Let me show you this (going to the jewel box and
powder bowl). Young Roberts can put the finish-
ing touches. It occurred to me, Arthur, that
we could produce an even bolder design!
ARTHUR: In what way bolder?
Even more brutal you mean?
KATE:
And we could mitigate its effects not with a
royal title only but with the kind of perfect
finish our firm is famous for.
She turns the jewel box upside
down.
It has a very slightly
concave base. At its side she
sets the powder bowl, the right
way up, without its lid.
KATE (cont.)
Now this is the receiving area (indicating
the base of the china box)---
ARTHUR: What?
KATE:
And this (indicating the powder bowl) is the water


bowl, as in conventional types.
Shawcross and
Erightstone, you tell me, have concealed the
conventional water bowl behind the receiving
platform, quite out of sight.
ARTHUR (still hushed with shock)
But Kate--
You
aren't suggesting that the receiving area should
be raised and dry!
KATE:
Yes I am. It should be absurdly near the sitting
rim, absurdly close to the client!
Now that's
revolutionary! And perhaps only a woman could
have dared to do it!
ARTHUR: I think---I think people have been arrested for
less.
And that you, Kate---!
I can hardly
recognise you!
KATE:
So what's the master's suggestion?
that Shawcross
and Brightstone
sweep us off the market?
Because they'll follow this with another design,
and another, until they reach my degree of boldness!
Let us make them gape, as you gaped today at their
design and thought to yourself secretly that it was
a triumph and could win the biggest market ever!
You never dared design such a thing but when some-
one else did you at once saw the selling possibil-
ities!
And now you won't dare this, you won't
allow yourself to see the sellins possibilities of
this? (Pacing) I wish women could run a few
businesses!
ARTHUR: But Kate, what your design does is to make boldness
and brutality an--almost---ideal!
KATE:
Thank vou (making for the door)!
ARTHUR: No Kate, I mean---!
KATE:
Am I to stay?
APTHUR (taking her hands)
Forgive me.
I remember once
how I rejected one of young Roberts's designs, and
you made me adopt it, the one with the shallow
shaft and the. low-slung rim, and the line sold
better than any other for a time.
Should I be
ungrateful and fail to listen to you now? Come
(drawins KATE back to the table), how do you see
the action of the water?
KATE:
ilot from above!
Not from all sides!
There too
lies a little revolution.
The water will thrust
frontally---in this way!
(pushing the beans side-
ways off the china box into the powder bowl) There!


ARTHUR considers this for some
time, giving her glances of admir-
ation.
ARTHUR: And stains? How are those elminiated?
KATE:
Stains are inevitable with most bowls, and here
they are in fact quite minimised, because the
bean falls straight (dropping a bean straight
on to the china box from above), without sliding
as it usually does (taking the empty glass,
tipping it slightly sideways, then sliding a
coffee bean down to its base).
ARTHUR: Well (with a smile), we'd better talk to young
Roberts.
Won't he gib at the So to speak stark-
ness of the idea?
KATE:
Not if I present it to him, alone. I shan't
be satisfied with a royal title like The Hanoverian.
I shall call it The Regency---bring it into current
life!
And I shan't give it a crown, I shall give
it flowers!
(Taking the designs and showing him
one of them)
Here!
Roberts already has an
excellent flower-design!
ARTHUR: But how will the bean be seen perfectly on a
design of flowers---I mean, since the strange
objective is to have it seen?
KATE:
The flowers won't be on the receiving platform.
They'll be in the water bowl, slowing through
the water!
They'll be round the rim, and round
the shaft!
The receiving platform is going to
be virgin clear.
He nods reflectively.
KATE (cont.)
Well?
ARTHUR: I'm worried.
I don't want to lie about that.
What I mean is, Kate, I can see the possibilities
of this, I agree they're far greater than those
of the Shawcross and Brightstone design, and
certainly art-wise your project puts theirs into
the shade, by combining greater daring with greater
ingenuity, and I'm sure the finished article will
put us at the head of the market---but---(as she
gazes at him and he seems unwilling to speak) -
is this why we came into the business? Didn't
we always hold it as a principlc to produce what
we felt we ought to produce, in terms of quality,
and not what we could produce in terms of the
market? Didn't ve alvays say that success is
one thing, values another?
KATE:
And didn't we say that with general education---


these words are your own Arthur---with general
education we would have to be prepared for a
lowering of taste, and to cater for that taste!
ARTHUR: We never said cater for it!
KATE:
What else can we do? disregard it? when people
like John are sending their sons to school and
even to Oxford---even to Oxford, Arthur---I
heard of a carpenter's son getting to Oxford only
the other day!
Shall we continue to cater for
a small public which over the years will have
less and less say in the conduct of the country's
affairs?
ARTHUR: So we go down to the level of the carpenter's
son, we don't bring him up to ours!
KATE:
Fe'll come up of his own accord!
There's no
bigger snob than the hunble-born one, you know
that yourself! (He nods to this)
Shawcross and
Brightstone have read the writing on the wall.
They know that if we don't seek access very soon
to the humbler sections of the middle class, and
even in the end to the mass of the people, we shall
be swept out of the market by someone who does!
The world's changing fast Arthur---women are
asking for the vote, soon everyone will want a
comfortable house and even a motor car---it's
going to happen in the end, and we may as well
be prepared for it!
ARTHUR: And what about all the talented young designers
we pledge ourselves annually to encourage = are
they goins to feel happy at pur entering a mass
market? What about Roberts? He's Jour protégé
after. all---in fact you seem to spend half your
life with him!
KATE (with quiet control)
I thought we'd exhausted that
subject Arthur.
ARTHUR: Yes, yes---very well.
KATE:
Do you think these designs would be here if it
weren't for the hours I've spent listening to
his troubles? And you haven't so much as glanced
at then!
I must repeat, Arthur, creative people
FO through a certain amount of inner anguish, we
can't recard then as tools in a factory!
ARTHUR: I know, I know!
And I accept that.
I'm sorry
I said what I did.
KATE:
It won't be easy with young Roberts.
And it
may take time. He has a design here which is
daring in the genuine sense, not simply provocative


and sensational.
You won't like it---
ARTHUR: Oh!
Thank you very much!
KATE:
I didn't at first. The receiving platform is
actually crenellated like a castle, and has various
KATE:
I told you you wouldn't like it!
ARTHUR: But the stains---the impossibility of cleaning---!
KATE:
There are no stains. The action of the water
takes care of that, since there are outlets actually
among the crenellations--
ARTHUR: What?
KATE:
Now I told him it was going to be difficult if not
impossible to persuade you to adopt it, and anyway
I said we could only hope to sell a very small
number which would barely pay for the initial
foundry costs. He left here looking rather down,
and a little rebellious. Now I can promise to
let his design go through if he'll join us in this
other enterprise, and help get it into the market
quickly, before Shawcross and Brightstone.
What
do you say?
ARTHUR: You could try.
KATE:
Very well then.: You see, Arthur, I've been
thinking for some. "time that you should finance
the artistic side more liberally by way of producing
more in the popular lines. That way we can enter
the popular market with' a bang, or rather create it,
and finance young Roberts as much as he wants to be.
ARTHUR: A bang you say... Ido dislike bangs. And then,
what's the point of financing young Roberts and
other bright designers like him if we are only
interested in making. as much money as quickly as
possible?
KATE:
I'm afraid it's a more critical situation than
that. Shawcross and Brightstone are going to
push us clean out of the matket unless we do some-
thing drastic!
ARTHUR: You think so?
KATE:
I heard the other day that ours was called the
'ivory tower' firm.
ARTHUR: Ivory tower?
when our turnover has doubled in


the last year, and we are second in the country
to Shawcross and Brightstone alone!
KATE:
Most of our lines barely pay for themselves.
Only our sales on the conventional bowl design,
the cheapest and most obvious line of all, keeps
us afloat and finances the ivory tower! So what
I am suggesting is that we face this fact, and
control the popular market before it starts con-
trolling us!
ARTHUR: Be pulled into the whirlstream by Shawcross and
Brightstone...
KATE:
The whirlstream of bankruptcy is very much worse.
ARTHUR: Like all women you exaggerate.
Which is why
there's so much resistance toigiving you the vote.
KATE:
I may exaggerate. But David Shawcross's design
was an exaggeration, and it made you sit up.
ARTHUR: I'll talk to our accountant about it.
KATE:
Oh please don't do that!
He only tells you to go
on doing what you've been doing before! Left to
him we'd still be crouching in the backyard!
ARTHUR: Kate!
KATE:
I'm sorry---but sometimes it really---
The door opens and JOHN appears.
JOHN:
It's half an hour to dinner time ma'am and cook
only has leftovers to serve, as you planned pre-
viously to dine out. and take only supper when you
returned from the theatre.
KATE:
Yes, yes, I'll be down.
And clear away these
things please.
JOHN. approaches the table and begins
.collecting glasses, china box and
powder bowl. He looks at the
remaining coffee beans and then at
ARTHUR.
He pockets the remaining
beans, shaking his head slightly.
JOHN (peering into the powder bowl)
There appears to be
coffee beans in the powder ma'am. Should I pick
them out?
KATE:
Yes!
He begins to do so.


KATE (cont.)
Not here John. Outside.
JOHN:
Thank you ma'am.
JOHN collects the articles and
goes to the. door.
JOHN (cont.) Er---ma'am, are the coffee beans to be
returned to the kitchen for use?
KATE:
I---I think not, John.
JOHN:
Thank you ma'am.
He leaves.
ARTHUR: I shouldn't have to remind you Kate that
accountants are very necessary people.
You
do the house accounts every day and you know
very well that you have to apply a brake to
spending at times, unless you want to go into
deficit.
It's the same with business only more
so. I'm afraid the ivory tower's here, in this
house, where so many grand schemes are hatched
between you and young Roberts which come to
nothing!
KATE:
Then all my talking has been useless? and you'll
let Shawcross and Brightstone run us out of the
market? That's ivory tower, if anything is!
ARTHUR: No, I didn't mean that. You know very well
that I listen carefully to everything you suggest,
and in this case I know you're right. Painfully
right!
Right. to the point of turning back
progress and civilisation and common decency---
KATE:
What?
ARTHUR: Isn't that what it means? when one firm can
pull another firm ': into ' a popular market both of
them despisep? But you're right.
I acknowledge
that! If we refuse to be pulled we go bankrupt!
There's young Roberts asking for a higher salary
every week---
KATE:
Doesn't he deserve it?
ARTHUR: 'Deserve it', 'deserve it'---I deserve a bigger
house and better servants but I haven't got them.
That's ivory tower thinking again. Young Roberts's
work is phenomenal but in the cash register, that
cold and relentless adjudicator, it doesn't justify
even his present salary, let alone an increase!
KATE:
But if we produce a really popular line we can
afford to raise not only his salary but the


accountant's too!
He's always grumbling.
ARTHUR: We pay him less than Shawcross's man, that's
why.
KATE:
So we must get on to Shawcross's level---we
must compete---then we can-.
A lavatory is flughed, off.
She stops. They look at each
other.
ARTHUR: What the devil (going to the door)?
KATE:
Arthur!
I think it must be young Roberts.
ARTIUR: I thought he'd left in a rebellious state of
mind?
KATE:
He left this room, yes.
ARTHUR: I might have known it. And what's he doing
in this house?
KATE:
I said he could work in the attic room---on
one of the designs you liked so much---
ARTHUR: Not the crenellations?
KATE:
No. The new collapsible bowl.
He's trying
to make the action soundless.
ARTHUR: Yes, I did like that idea.
But I didn't ask
him to take up residence in my house.
And why
does he always have to try the house-conveniences?
KATE:
Because he's so deep in his work, you know that
yourself!
And he's worried by the water flow--
ARTHUR: It sounds smooth enough to me!
KATE:
But it wasn't a good design---it--
Another lavatory is flushed, off.
ARTHUR (between his teeth)
And how long does this
investigation under ny own roof last, may I ask?
I imagine you invited him to dinner too!
KATE:
Well, it seemed the natural thing to do. As we
were goins out I said he could take dinner in
the breakfast room, to make it convenient for
the servants, and we could all discuss his design
when we returned from the theatre.
ARTHUR (livid)
And now we're not going to the theatre


he can stay and have a proper sit-up dinner
with us, can't he, and I suppose I lend him a
dinner jacket again? After all, it wouldn't
be civilised to ask him to feed his own face
would it?
KATE:
Arthur!
ARTHUR: I I'm sick and tired of seeing my employees when-
ever I open a bedroom door!
Another lavatory is flushed, off.
ARTHUR (cont., dashing to the door)
This is an insult!
KATE:
Arthur!
He pulls the door open and rushes
out.
KATE stands there helplessly, about
to rush after him but thinking better
of it.
ARTHUR (off, yelling at the top of his voice)
What the
devil are you doing sir? Trying to flush us out
of the house?
Sounds of bodily violence, raised
voices.
JOHN dashes in.
JOHN:
Ma'am it's Sir---
KATE:
Can't you stop him?
JOGN:
Stop him ma'am? Only you can do that!
A terrific crash.of glass.
ARTHUR (off)
Now get out this minute d'you hear? And
see you never come back!
Another crash.
JOHN:
I think that was your powder bowl ma'am.
A third crash.
JOHN:
Followed by the jewel box. I left them on
the hall table.
ARTHUR storms back.
ARTHUR (straight to JOHN) Go and get some grub on the
table!


JOHN (entirely unruffled)
At once sir.
I understand
you won't be dressing?
ARTHUR:
I'll dress you if you don't disappear!
JOHN:
Yes sir.
Thank you ma'am.
JOHN leaves.
ARTHUR kicks the door closed
after him.
ARTHUR:
I've given young Roberts the boot!
And now we
can have some peace in the evenings!
Damn him
and all the cocky young arty cranks like him!
I can do without him! (Yelling) I can do
without him, d'you hear that?
KATE (quietly)
Yes, Arthur, I heard.
ARTHUR:
I'll develop this open pan system of yours
alone! And without the flowers!
And call
John back!
I have a little question to ask
him!
KATE goes to the door and calls
ARTHUR (to himself)
Crenellated bowls my foot!
No stains!
The turrets would have got encrusted, (screaming)
encrusted!
And water-jets everywhere---to squirt
into the client's sitting area I suppose!
Jets!
He's got jets on the brain!
And little wonder if
he spends half the day with you! Do you hear?
There '11 be no more of that! I'll hire a designer
who designs and then goes home to his wife and a
three-course dinner, not a drooping weak-kneed
willowy bachelor no sane woman would look at twice
in the street!
JOHN appears quietly at the door,
and KATE indicates to him that
ARTHUR wants him.
JOHN:
You called for me sir.
ARTHUR:
'You called for me sir'!
Yessir, I called for
you sir---to enquire sir why the hell my lavatories
are being flushed every, three minutes of the day in
every part of the house!
JOHN:
I think sir the young designer sir---
ARTHUR:
I know sir about the young designer sir but haven't
I told you a hundred thousand times that the house-
conveniences must not be used by others then the
family or guests?


JOHN:
But sir, Mister Roberts is surely a guest---!
ARTHUR:
Mister Roberts is less than an animal! He's
out of a job, and out of good dinners for the
rest of his iife as far as I'm concerned---so
consider him below stairs, and if I see him in
this house again I'll not only wring his neck
but yours too!
I've worked my hands to the
bone for you people---to keep you all in shoe
leather and the kind of meals that would make
the royal family water at the mouth!
(JOHN
remains unperturbed) I rose from nothing, and
houses like this one are due to men like myself
who never sp ared themselves, who never enjoyed a
youth because they had no other thought than
duty and work, who were despised on their way up
and then arselicked once they got there! Every-
thing in this house is the fruit of my labour,
and that goes for my house-conveniences too.
I will have them respected!
I will not have
willowy run-down bachelors drifting all over this
property from dawn to dusk testing my flushing
systems! I will have my meals on time! And I
will EAT AS MANY COFFEE BEANS AS I LIKE, do you
hear!
Because I own every. brick of this place,
my work and my brains buy every mouthful of food,
and the carpets on the floor, and the motor car
in the garage, and so I shali have my say: as to
who flushes and who doesn't flush my pans, do you
hear? (JOHN still quite unperturbed) Crenellations!
(Suddenly)
Get out, go on, get out!
JOHN bows slightly and leaves
without hurry, closing the door
carefully behind him.
ARTHUR sits fuming to himself,
glaring.
He notices the designs
on the table, snatches them up
and races them to the door.
ARTHUR (pulling the door open and flinging the designs after
JOHN) And take these with you! Burn them!
He slams the door again and
returns to his chair to resume
fuming.
KATE continues sitting, eyes cast
down.
There is silence.
A lavatory is flushed, off.
They lift their eyes slowly and
stare at each other with something


like shock.
ARTHUR does not
move.
He threatens to burst.
The door opens quietly.
It is
JOHN.
JOHN (to KATE)
I've disposed of the coffee beans ma'am.