THe DEATH OF CHNEREHI


THE DEATH OF CHILDREN.
Maurice Rowdon..


Berlin, a fèw years aftér the war. There, was a black floor
and almost bare white wails, with yellow and pink flowers amid green
spray standing. in earthenwere jars. The room was.at thé top floor
of the building, and one of its windows, which ran the whole length
of the wall, looked over the ripped. and broken roofs. The night
was not still, yet, and the last of the traffic from the thestres
was going swiftly, with a. deep humming, along the wide street far
below, towards the expênsive distriots in the west. :.. This street
below had' bright lights coloured blood-red and greene
Most people were sitting on the floor or half-lying across
the two divans. On the: long table were dozens and dozens of
shining wine-glasses, and bottles of brandy, gin, vermouth, white
and red wine. Above thè table there were coloured designs for
stage-sets done in crayon, nost 'of them on black paper; so that
thè colours nére briliiant and striking. : There were pierrots in
white, ballerinas, men in tail-coats with pink flowers. in thei r
buttonholes, creaturés in great knerled masks under spotlights,
acrobats in' tights with leather bands round their wr ists, vomen
vith vide bustles and dresses which flowed back from their vaists
in magnificent half-trains, and thén 'slanting white columns;
crobked àrches, - and dim, flashing interiors. On the table rar
the glasses there was a: white plaster hand, with. the nails painted
green, and between the middle and the index finger" there was an'
unlighted cigarette. Leaning againet the wall, mounted on card-
board, there were flashlight photographs taken at the film-studios,
during a break in the work, at tablés of. tubular steol, by cheaply
painted backolotha, on planks, by improvised dressing-rooms, and
all these photogrpahs were signed, by actors or producers.


Charlotte, who sat by the win dow overlooking the broken roofs,
wasn' t an actress but. was connec ted with the: theatre-through her
husband, the manager of' oneof the most prosperous houses in the
oity, where the. overheads were Small bec ause of its situatione
Hundreds and hundreds of people were prépared evéry evening to
drive out across thé dark, silent places where ghosts walked, to
see his shows.
She had grey hair, which was tinted the slightest blue, making
her seem cool and withdrawne She- was plump, with heavy, white arms,
and her face had once been very beautifule Hér eyes were oféen
lost, gazing Tight out beyond poople, arrogantly, as if she nere
coming to amusing and ruthless conclusions. Her usual colour
was black, for any little gaiety of colour in' her dress would have
spoiled hors. Thére was never any. hesitation. in her voice, rhich
was rich,. deep in the throat, huggéd dovn into hers hot. disembodied
or tense as. it sometimés is. ir dity-people. : Always whon she spoke
a thère was a halr-smilè on her lips, ànd always she looked avay '
from the parson she was addressing, gazing up ar sideways, never
down; then suddonly she vould givé the: other person. a quick,
brilliant zlancé, so shining that there could bè tears in her éyes.
When she: said hullo-to a friend she always called her *meine
Susse* in a kind of longing, vouptuous, adoring. way- : She often
used these expressions---'my sweet', 'ny littlé. one', *my own !
darling", "y pretty' Shy women who went to few partiodjrocoiled
from these suave, too-expert compliments, and many wameny
especially young ones, blushed under her gaze, People said shé
was léebian, but no one wassures
Outatde, in the deep black of the city, now almost. stila,
from the nervous day, there were ohasms, unwholesome pits, and
sudden grey hills mounting. up and up;mixed and angrily pushed:


together, Sharp monstérs which cut and tore across. the sweet,
accomodating sky. f Then theré-were. flatter places, more olement
wounds that flowed out as far as the eye could sée, with the Wind
coming quietly across thêm; unvisited and silent places, warning
the hot, fleshy passer-by, the-fool who cane clothed in his. Iiving
flésh, orying to him.in the stillnéss', 'Go- back, go backs*. Under
thésé terrible mounds. and hilisley a community of people, deep.
now aftèr thé passing of years, and childrèn who had never so much
as sighed. against the world, their grabbing_hands now wrapped in
a mantle of cascading wall, rock crammed in rooks F In' this city,
no living man. believed in heroism. *
Koelner came into the room. later than most of the others.
He stood at the door and: stared at everybody with. hard eyes Yet.
he' wasntt a hard man.
He. was tali, slim, with a balding head and.a very white face;
his eyes were dark, never looking. at a thing deeply or for long*
His gaze. was like that of a man- working ovêr a desk, dealing with
papers and urgènt teléphone calls. He spoke crisply, in. Caroful
séntences, dedicating himself only to what was said,- without foible
or manneriam or anything personal at alls He seldom glanced at
other people, and when he did so it was a quiok
glance,
expending
nothing. in charm or pity, much less. interest, but closed in,
réfusing any communication.
The hostess took him across to the. Window and shoved him a
seat near Charlotte, who had watched him come into the room and
stand for a moment near the entrance, érect and unmoved, Hè
nodded to her- and sat down, then caréfully took out a cigerette
from a shining silver casee She looked. at him while he did this,
then, as if she had arrived at an
conslusion
exciting
about so me-
thing, she leàned forwarda and began talking to him. He.glanced -


ups a little surprised, with a slight smile. She. began asking him
question after. question, and "slowly he began to - talky until he also
was leaning forward in his chairs A-moment ago she*d been half-
lying. on the divan, gazing.up at the ceiding, her eyés-full of a
cruel secret, it'seemed, talking softly to the young woman at her
side; and.now she was quick,: filling. every pause in this man's
speech,, herseyes' absolutély concentrated.
The maid brought thém a second drink, and they: touched glasses.
The room was noisy now, and.a slowly moving layer of blue smoke
drifted'across from one wali to thé other. Soméone by the door
slipped, half-fell against the table,. shaking tho thin glasses,
them mânaged to right himself and leave the roode
Koelner explained. to hor the difficulties of his last product-
ion, how .someone had .fallen from a piece of scaffolding and would
put' in a heavy-claim for comperisation, hos the designer had oreated
a' set which was in the poorest taste and how they'd had to take it
down and re-build it again in' the space of a few hours, between
nine in the evening and give the following morninge She listened
to hin closely, hèr glass in hér hands sipping evéry now and then,
and she would nod, sàying, tMy Godi', *Not', (But reeilyt" "And
vith each encouraging exclamation he thought of more and more
things to tell her. He still sat rather erêot in. his chair, but
he gesticulated a little more, his white, delicate," rather feminine
hands held up in front of him, thé tips of the fingers touching
and' parting, touching and parting. as he talkeds
He paused, and' she: - vatched him for a moments 4
*The war cantt have: helpad,* she saide
At first he didn't understand her, 8o she quickly added,
"These-wars are always for freedom.* She spoke with a bitternéss
which acquitted only him. After every war wetre supposed tbl be


thankful, aren't we?*
It wasn't at all donnected with what.he'a béen saying,
with the plays his wife had starred in, with his own fall,
many months before, from-a height of fifty feet-while directing
a film, with the contract hota almost torn up; but at the. same
time it seèmed to summarise ail he had said: For. improvised
studios, too few cameras, scaffolding which collapsed, sti ages
far-too small, these weré the results of the: war; and the ac tors
were inferior, for the best péople. preférred working in quieter
towns, not in this city of pits and ghosts.
He nodded quiokly and siagd *Ah, the wartt He: leaned
- forward:. *I could work better without these heedaches, every dày.
Look--t 1 He lowered his hoad, to show her. - 'Right across
- hère, it seems to clamp. right down on my brain, and I just. have
to sit and wait until, it goes away." He drew his finger along
the-top of his skull, whére it'vas bare, showing her the wide
line'which ran from the baok of his head, a, livid colour.
*AS you. say,* he went on,-*for freedomt It was 'all for freedom!
And I have to be' thankfuit* His lips were thin as - he spoke.
The bitterness was rising. in him. His eyes were hardér and
tighter. He went on to speak about the pains in' his stomach.
"which. werè the result of a burst of machine-gunfire, the rheum-
atism caused by lying out all_night in the wet with these growing
wounds in his body, asd as he spoke his face grew redder,
flushing above the oollar, and sweat began to appear on his brow,
while Chérlotte, her eyes a littlé narrowed, drew from him more
and more of his terrible confession.
They filled their glassès again, this time without the maid.
There was a great: jug. of punch at the table, and Koélner leaed
back and took it. He picked out the nicest fruit for her, and


she made soft grateful noises ashe dropped the cherries into
her glass with a vooden spoon. He was so awàre of outrage, his
wounds and pain, that he couldn't bear to look at anyone else in
the room apart from Charlotte. It almost seemed that thé other
peoplo in the room wére responsible, and thèt while he talked
rapidly. and passionately, the red rising up from. his collar,
hewas blaming thêm : ail, and Charlot to was calmly helping him to
r do this, her face quite unflushed, her hair still. in place, the
lightest shade of blue, and her cool hénds resting just as they
had doné before on her knees :
Someone opened the window and at ondo theré. came the
shuddering and swooning sound of the hugé church-bells héar by,
in a torer not so meny yerds away in the darknesse They weré
banging furiously together, - in chord and discord, hushed and
then belbowing on the slight wind, asserting eternity above ruins,
above the dead and. lying childron, above the pains of living.
people, above enything t hat could happen on the earths -
The blue smoko went -rolling and turning out of the window, :
and no one looked up when-the sound of the bells came into the
room. The talk was very loud, a woman: was shouting at the top
of her voices 'But. you mustn*t, you. mustn'tt*, while hér friends
laughed; sprowling on thè floor. Most people were drinking. thè
strong punch now, in long vine glasses, with chérries, piedes of
apple and apricot near the rims.
t Are you. undomfortable there?* Cherlotte asked him, frown-
ing sl ightly as she did so, looking at him from under her eyea:
broms, to showher concern. He glanced down at the wooden sides
of his chair, and then he smiled. His 11ps were wet and fuller
now, and when he opened his mouth he 'showed -good teeth: it,was
a nost gentle smile, altogether unlike thé stiffness. of his


ontrance not long before. He.nodded, murmured,, TA: littlet; and
she at onde.got up from: the' divan. She
for a-moment
stood
look-
ing at - the. other people in theroom, ber' eyés with their special
amused insight, end then she touched him on the arm; she spoke
to him intimately, *Letts move: across to the other side, then.
It looks more interosting.f
They went beyond the table, their glasses' in their hands,
and Bat down on the floor by the hearth, again st cushions, still
a iittle away from the other péople. They sat close fogether,
their hips touching. she offered him her right hand and said,
*Read. me my life.* He took it. lightly in his.omn and traced 2
the life-liné with the very tips. of his fingers She drew her
hand over hiss and for a. moment, so that no one else in the room
could have noticed, they grippéd each other, in the briefest under-
standing. Noir ail the room was noise, no longer were-there bells,
and the streét below with the red lights was' silents 'Ho leaned
towards her and asked hér when. she would leave, adding immediately,
before she could rèply, *We mustn't. séparate.!
*I*1i be going soon,* , she said. He-looked at her suddonlys.
the light fallen from his eyes, and she watched him. for some time
before she added in a lowér voice, *I'11 lave. you my. *phone-
number. + Cali me just before you leave here.t Thon they looked
C. away from éach other, résting, the dècision having been made,
A cat came into thé. room, paused neer the entrance, amelling
and staring about, then ran quickly to oneof the: chairs and hid
underneath it, alarmed by the noise. Koelner watched this.
Hé was absolutely absorbed for a moment in the-croature's soft,
longs silent movements, and he chuckled when he saw it disappear
'under the ohair., Charlotte was now'talking to someone elsé
behind hor, leaning langorously back; she had a fine stra ight


nose, a warm-mouth, and. her body was: in that richness which
just precedes decliné, the: flesh's epoch of choices Sometimes,
'Whén people looked at her, i:
théy felt that nothing in the world
was ,strong enough to resist her. will.
* ra
Koelner
in suddèn
jumiped ups
gladi abandon. Hè vont. carefully
and. slowly towards' the ohéirl* In all his. movements: riow he was
casual and easy.' 1 He watched.the chdir
for a little time, thèn
bent dom and made a scratching noise with his nails against the
back. He waited patiently. There was a slight movement behind
the dhair-dover, * at' the"foot, then the catts. head appeared, blàck,
her great astonished eyes staring upwards. The scratch ing nail
was discovered. Koelner: smiled, bending. furthèr dom. Under the
chair the oreàture"s. tatk taii swished and swished., her back low
- and. arched, then
she
siddeniy
leapt out, turning as she did Bos
and madei a clawing wild. jump at his hande Hè hopped back, roar-
ing. with laughter, and, one ôr two people came closet, a ito watoh hime
He put his hand highér, again there was a tonse leap, with the ears
fiat back; and againi hë drew. his'hand amaye - The game - quickened.
The -cat jumped up on to the chair, Koolner moved his arm quicklys
upand sideways and. down,: then at last she was full. on her prey and
they' vrestled togethér A until.Koelner took her, up into 'his arms
'and bégan stroking her head Sortly. The spectators also put out
their hands and touchéd her, as she lay proudly against his waist-
coate
tater, when Charlot tè leit the room, her fur wrap over her
f arm, he turned suddenlys at the moment she happened to be look-
ing in: his direction; and smiled at her as if hé found/etiraoriiner
ily-and dazzlingly beautiful.
After sheta.gone he began talking to othér peoplé, standing
sastiy


easily at their'sides. He'listened to them.with hishead
slightly boweds and leughed frequently. He.even called out to,
an acquaintande on'the other side. of thè room in an, odd,-mildiy.
mocking way, and.this. cry 'of his-made. several:paople
laugh. But
for all. that he was sgiil alone,and never glanced "fully-at any-
ones - An hour-later he went into the: hall ànd teléphoned the
number shetd given hims - She answèred him almost at once, in
a soft. -voice, hor. 1ipsvery close: to the mouthpiede,
*Wheré are you?t he- askede,
*At home,*
'Let's go to a-olub:*
fI'm leaving home nowe Go,down to your cer,' she said,
fand Itii be there in a-few minutes. I'm-léaving this very
momen its*
4 He lèft the party without saying goodbye to anyone, and nent
down the. chipped stairs. There was, only the dimmest light: on
each floor; and up.fram béneath came a' chill fiow of,air, like
that fron,a tomba His eyéa were no longer .cheerful but wondering;
bereft.of any guilée He réached the doorway downstairs and
walked between two long piles of rubblé to whére thé cars were
parkod. He sàw the spire. of thecathedralg pushed right up into
the sky, and at its side a long street: of huge buildings; all
of .them silently grioving the ': dead, vithout windows, roof's or
floors. Sometimes the moon could be seen gleaming through these
shells, but tonight theré. vas nonee He,waited and in a for
moments a' car turned the dorner and came towards hime Charlotte.
leaned from the ariverge seat, her head wrapped round with black
lacé in the Spanish style. * He took her hand, which she offered,
and kissed ite


'Look, she saidy * follow behind me. Iknow wherè to gox* à
Hé. 'started. his rown oer and'followed close behind her, going
slonly "over the dusty, uneven road. When they were out into:
-the màin street, past: the lighted corner where whores were. stand-
ing; they speeded forward. Then'Charlotte guided him.off the
main road, to a.stréet where most of the housesmere intacts At
the end there wes a gréat 1ighted. sign, HOTEL, and - here she pulled
upe She didntt wait for him to'get out but walked straight into
the foyér. : He came in just as a.pegosboy'and the hall-porter
were bowing to her. The page-boy took her fur-wrap: and walked
before her up the main stairsa Koelner stood where he. was,
with the hall-porter"s eye on hime Just before a turn in the
staircssé Charlotte stopped and looked baok, and When she saw him
standing there, his eyos. round and wondering, she burst out laughing.
*Well,* she cried, taren't you coming?t, and just before she
turned back to the stairs again she gave. the hall-porter below a
brief, collected glance.
Koelner followed behind
his
hèr, astonished,
mouth half-open.
They reached the_secondrrioor and. walked elong a corridors At
the end the page-boy unlocked one of the doors, pushed it 8o ftly
open, switched the light on inside, thén stood beck to let t hem
pasa. Thèy walked into the soft, pink and silver room, their
ahoes making no sound: whatsoever on the carpet, and the page-boy
murmired, 'Gute.Necht, - gnadige Frau, * as he closed the, door again.
The light.in the room was very dim, shining from one side; of
the bed. Charlot te threw her Frèp on to a chair and wal ked across
to the window, whére white lace and chintz durtains nere stirring
slightly. There were: no other houses in' sights
Koelner hadn*t moved since he came - into the.roome : He was
simply stering at her, and slowly she became awarea this, and


aware of the
terrible
room's:
silences So she, turne d and asked.
softiy, *Well; what s thé matter?* He- looked into her
eyes,
searching her, and then he almosti shook his- hoad; in that. moment
he couid discover none of the "signs by which she'a become known to
him.at
she turned back to
the-party.
the window; looking outs.
He put-his "hand up to his eyes. and thèn, just as 1f a. kind.
of fever had suddenly got: hold of him, : so that there was.no question
of his_using control, a kind: of shuddering fever, he bent his head
forward. and began to wéep, his fece séromed up, his mouth open,
uttering long, aim," throttled crios from 'undor his hand. He stood
in the middle; of the room quite broken, his lègs bent a little
at the-knees, his shoulders trémbiing: his clothes seemed old
now, those. of a beggar, becausé of tha.way he was st anding there in
thé: dim light. The. moment she heard his first cry she turned her
head with a sudden, astonished movement, her reyes widening slightly;
she' stood looking at him, fascinated, unable to believe it. - His
lips were shivéring so.that she could "hérdiy:hear hhm when he
spoke, so lightly-and childishiys *Noss. No: we 'mast talkl*
But there was. no.softness. in her eyes to receive hin, only a
troubied stere. Nothing encouraging came from her, She wasn't
thé woman who-had. gripped. his hand. that eveninge :
At first she thrugged and began to smile. - But. the, cries
bohind her were 80 dreaddul, and 3O unexpected, reminding her for
And at
some reason of the death of:children, that she paused.. Taxx
last, in' a terrible,
4p- temmkrkerxhast
weariness, she leaned her head against the
whiter ledge of the window, her eyes turned aways - and: bègan to
1 feel the approach, though she tried to keep her amused isecret,
i. of shamè,
She looked up for 'a. moment beyond the pilos.outside wheré:
at the dead lay, but all the dusky stillnéss of thesky gave her


"no méssage back, only receded. further and further: into its own
eddyings dusty vagueness, offering no complaint, and neithor she
nor the sobbing man béhind hér, could understand,