LA MIMOSH -


tesu M
LA MIMOSA
A Story
Maurice Rowdon


The engineer and I walked up the hill from the sea,
slowly, to prevent. ourselves sweating. We were dressed in
silk shirts and shorts, with white handkerchiefs knotted at
each corner on our heads. We walked up to the studded door
of La Mimosa, in sunshine that was absolutely white and
blidhing
against the stone wall.
The engineer was a smaller man than me, and plumper. He
had a strong flushed face and pouting ltps, and when he spoke
he. tended to snap his words out, with his chin thrust forward.
His stride was hurried and rather ungainly, his feet pointing
outwards and rising with each step as if he were treading things
down in front of him. He seemed to say to himself, "I have
more important things to think of in life than grace of movement."
He liked to talk a great deal, especially about politics,
architecture, military strategy and engineering, and he was a
warm talker.
He paid little attention to his clothes, but he
kept himself very clean. Every day he used to wash himself down
outside his tent, and I would.sit on the grass talking to him.
He would tell me about his wife, what a fighter she was, and how
she disliked weak habits in a man,. - heavy smoking, for instance.
She had not yet come out to join him at the camp.
His manners were robust, deliberately so: he found any


behaviour
he.was himself the son
kind of. effete
distasteful;
wealthy manufacturer in the.north of England, who had
of a quite
sent him into the mills as.a child, to work. among the poor,, as a'
kind of hard grooming for the world. Thus, the engineer tookup
rather'a defiànt and brusque attitude, finding weaknesses in other
people too easily, as if.hé wished to"prove above: all -that there was
nothing soft-in him, and that, his feet were very firmly on the earth.
I used. to : sit on - the. grass.watching him as he shivered anà - rubbed
himself'all over, taiking' and laughing. I rememberthe thin black
hair over : his chest and: shoulders, and"on. the backof his hands.
In his. - presence. I felt, noti a Child, but a kind. of youthful talkative
buck, a son even, but a.son very much in his father's confidence..
For I-1 knew 'he did not look on me as soft.. i was barely twenty-two
at this time, and he. must have.been well over thirty, so'that
between us there was a crucial gap of experience.
The door opened in the_dark recess and. we' walked into the
"shadows, where at first we could see nothing. One ofi the waiters.
clad in white: rlosed the door behind us,and one of' the-girls. on
the other side of.the room jumped up from her chair and- came across
to, us. Her name-was Badia:. The great thick mauve curtains were -
drawn right across the windows, and, the lights were one There were
three or fourgiris sitting in the armcha irs at the other end, where
the. cubicles. were. Everything,was. still in this room, and every
.hoise sèemed smothered, because of the thick Persian carpet, the.
soft armchairs and settees, and: the curtain. Badia shook us both
by the hand, smiling, and- we. sat down before one of the little.
coffee-tables. We khew her far better than'we knew thepthers,
since we foundi it easier to talkto her. We stretched out our.
legs, getting as. muchas possible of the breeze from . the whirring
fans above us, while the - sweat poured down from,our brows, our


- This breeze from the fan was
arm-pits and, from between' our legs.
rellef aft'er our :
cool ahd hot by turns, but it. was 7 ah,extraordinary
through. the streets at the.edge of the sea.
iong.waik
a Christian, - while
was of. French-Arab extraction,
: Badia
from Mosien families: : Above all,. she.
most of the other girls-were,
1 a
talking to the_engineer. The moment they sat tdown they
enjoyed
talking quietly to each 6
other, while, the res't of us hardly
began
mnoved inour chairs. . They talked about the. politics of'the.
country, about the latest.coup d'etatand."the imprisonment of the
former prime minister and- his, favourite, armere lackey with a- fine
face, and Badia nodded slowly as the engineer told -her: his point of'
view; I everything he said she - seemed to' reflect over, very seriously.
There was.anair of the. queen about.her, "a" special. palior and"
Mad :
stiliness,'as if she'were a great distance from us 9 in breeding and
even' body, 80 : that her gaze could. sometimes. be most disturbing, so
full - :. of knowledgè, 8o cool.and 1
utterly calm. Her eyes were rather
large for her face, and their dépth.was emphasised by.her pallor.
Shé was.-not really pretty s.s much less bea utiful, but there was some:
kind of strange twist in her features, perhaps about the mouth,,
which made one want to watch her in silence and tobe with her.
The other girlé 'were especially polite to her, in deference to her
slow aloofness. :
Thé previous evening.I had.chosen her from. among: five girls.
There'was a mute'thoughtfulneBs in her face,.if she had suffered
todmuch, and as if she knew too much about the,world. It. seemed
an insolence to touch her. The previous evening she: and Ihad. been
away from our armchairs for. hardly more'than five or te n. minutes, and
then I had left the cubicle feeling that I had done hnthing more
significant than alter the position of my legs, and that' I had net ver
in. fact been close to her., When-she wa 8 in her armcha : ir again,


dressed, her hair combed al nd a little scent sprayed on the nape of
her néck and behind her ears,. she'was once: moré erect, withdrawn,
al'one and proud,as she had been before.' In the, cubicle I had :
more or less - obeyed - her will, and'she had, simulated warmth,
half
convincing me and half not, but always.in' C ommand, watching and
biding her, time,"then"deciding for me.
A thin white shaft. of - sunlight came on to-the carpet: from
a: space between the curtains,'s0 that our eyes, staring drowsily
down, shone with the reflection
in"the hot. half-darkness. The:
long, softly carpeted room seemed altogether without desire, but
full of a wistful, quiet dreaming, where, there - were no bodies,
only
thoughts. We talked, the five of us', as if we had all beenchildren
together; and our word's. flowed out. easily from the most private. *
imaginable memories.
After some time -a young, Frenchman who worked as an official
at the port came in, hardly disturbing the hot half-sleep into.
which
the five of us'seemed to have: fallen, a.sleep, with
words'and calm
smiles. Badia turned in her'chair and A nodded to. him
as he stood
silently 'by, the d'oor. He bowed - to, her, à slim, pale
young man,
very
hy-looking, but he did not glance at the
rest of us. Bad
la called
.out, "Samia!". in the-direction of, the kitchen,,
while. he. continued
to wait, standing. I. had seen. him once before,
on theprevious
evening, and he had sat at the other end of the
room, quite apart
from every one else,. with the youngest and quietest t'of
the girls on
his knee. They seemed hardly:to talk to each
other,i but simply
gazed into each other's ey es, atroking"eac h other
tips of their
lightly with. the
fingers, and. kissing each.other 'on the
the
brow,
lips. Now, when:
seldom on
Samia. came from the kitchen, she went
across to him at the door,
straight
altogether disregarding. the "rest
and hand-in-hand they walked
to the same armchair as they had used
*ax2bx228x


the night before. The girls: who were : talking to the engineer and
myself did not 'smile, but seemed. quite.accustomed to. this béhaviour.
One .of them saw me watching the couple.
"They are in love," she told - me.. "He . wants to marry her."
I leaned. forward. anà asked her why they. never. went into one
of the cubicies. *
"Because. he can't_do. it," she said. "But he is in love
with-her. Ihave never * seen two people more in love."
And when Ilooked . across at -him aga'in I did seea certain
passive delicacy :in him, making: his face seem unduly tender, and :
unduly. hurtable.," I-did.not 1ike to feel that he feared us all,
especially the engineer and myself, both of whom he chad -seen g'o. into
the. cubicles *
on the previous evening. Yet.he was so cheerful with
the girl.on his knee, so lovingly absorhed in her, tha t he must have
been able to shut that
I saw him. run the.
of his
fearout,
tips
fingers' down her nose, alowly, with a * look that was full- of pride,
pride.in hèr existence, celebrating her awf ul nearness to him.
I turnedaway, not wanting to embarrass him, and' clapped
my hands fof-oneof the-waiters in-the
kitchen. After few moments
he came, and"I ordered coffee for.the-e engineer and myself. I-
noticed that one. of the girls, sitting' next to Badia, was staring at
me as:I did so.. She it was I. had' watched on the previous eve ning.
The waiteribent down and. asked. me, "will you have milk?"
I, thought. for a moment, then said, "Yes, bring me white 4
coffee." 1t-
The girl smiled across at'me when I said this. She leaned
her headback against. the. armchair and smileg.drowailly, gazing at
me, her eyes harrow, almost. closed. Then.she asked mé, "Do you-
want milk?" She put her hand under her breast and lifted it slight?y,
then said, "I have milk." -


She * had : pure, delicate Arab features, a slim face and
black hair down to her shoulders; especiaily her. eyes were fine.
'I smiled. at her and. - pointed towards one of the.cubicles:
"After the coffee."
The previous ever ning we had haraly spoken to.each othër,
-and I 'only remember that' a French policeman from the port 1 had.come
in and" ordered hèr'into one or'the cubicles straight- away. 0.
was heavyandi drowsy with the heat,.but I. wanted to: with' her now
because I'could not.forget the expression in her eyes. It seemed
to.met that we needed thè privacy "of one -of'the cubicles in order to
stare. more closely. into each, other's faces, muchas the silent
couple- were. doing.at this -moment.. I could never ha vë -believed that
this girl only wanted money, because of the tenderness of her smile,
which had happened so suddenly, the moment the, waiter had mentioned
milk. - During that moment our eyes met and we understood each
other,
in'a 'smile that was altogether unsalacious. She leaned. her head
back again, watching
her slim-
tched out
bodytstre -
in her chair.
Badia got up'and said, "i must: help. with, the coffee."
None of the other girls visited the kitchén, "except Samia,
who helped à with the.cooking. Only.Badia seemed to want-to
- - take
fuli respohsibility-for the guests. + If she liked their compa ny,
as.she liked: the engineer's,"she : would"see -
that the waiters looked
after. them and_did not bring- them dirty cups. or weak coffee. *
all this she behaved- withwonderful -
gracè, very formal and withdrawn:
#Are.you taking her?" the engineer asked
me', pointing to
the.girl-who 'hadjust smiled at me. I nodded, and he-added: "She
is very beautiful.. But I'm'not interested in beauty."
I: toid him that he liked Badha, and. he said, "Yes. 4 I can
'talk_to her. i can.imagins being: : with her for whole hours
together.
I can imagine her looking after"me. What does beauty
mean,
with tat 2 11
cnpased


I had forgotten which of thè girls he had taken on the
previous evening. But the experience did not please him. He
came back to his seat looking stern. He wanted to get away as soon
as possible. He was perentory with the waiters when they came,
barking out his orders and stamping his feet. People were usually
in great awe of him when he. was like this, and they tended to
bustle round him, especially if they were servants. He had small,
fierce eyes under bushy eyebrows, and one did not begrudge such eyes
a feeling of awe, because there was warmth and mercy in them as well,
never steeliness. He had a patriarchal, hot fury.. He tola me no
more than that his experience in' the cubicle had amounted to "nothing
or as good as nothing."
But this afternoon there was no fury in him. He was leaning
back in his chair talking reminiscently and waiting for Badia to
return from the kitchen with our coffee.
When she had sat down again and the coffee was before us on
the little tables, he asked her why she had ever come here, to La
Mimosa. She did notanswer at once. Her gaze continued to be
distant, altogether devoid of any private message to other people.
Even though she looked pou in the eyes, you did not feel that you
were being looked at so much as watched, even judged, or simply
stared through as a cafpet is stared through by thoughtful, adult
eyes.
She told us that it was just work for her. That work
had nothing to do with the body, much less with her desires, for
she allowed herself no pleasure. I remembered how she had
whispered urgently to me, to finish it, and I had instantly obeyed
her.
The other girl who had smiled at, me told her something in


a low voice, and" Badia said. to_me, "She wants you to go with her.
She has fallen in love with you."
"Let me.finish, my: coffee,' it I answered. Then I turn'ed to
the engineer and asked -him, "What: will" you do?" But he only -
shrugged. Ifinished my coffee and got up slowly. Iwalked
across to the other girl and -drew her by."the : handto, her. feet, -and
together we. went. into one" of,the icubicles. - Before we closed the
door the Madame', a. silent, middle-aged + woman, came in and I payed
her.
When we were alone again the girl turned away from më and
began taking off her dress. She"lay down naked on.thé bed and
looked upiat me. with the sàme tender, ra ther wandering smile-I had
seen in the other room.. -She lay with her legs open. and her arms
held out on either side, offering herself. up,.as if her body. were
of no account. whatsoever. . L.dia not feel shame as Igazed at her,
but. a kind of smothered self-reproval, that no man should.see another :
being in this way, desirihg.and yet not desiring,: a:stranger yet not
a strànger, .a. lover and yet-by. no means: a lover: 'Only in her face
were there still the tender messages she had passed to me in smiles
not long before. Her gaze was. the same, her mouth the. same: but.
her'body was without âny -meaning for.me.
I lay down overher, and: she drew my head towards hers,
gripping me. at; the back of the neck. From that-moment, until we
left the room, she became only touch for me. She became anyone,.
and' universal. - Her face. became great éyes, her'hair'a dark, hot
expanse in my. face, her 11ps: quite-hameless, merely' 1
wet. and receiving,
belonging to anyone. From the moment we touched each other we
became strangers. When-I grew excited, she pushed back my head with'
the palm of her hand against my, brow and said to me_with a smile,
"What is the matter? You ate like a snake.". - iasked her, "Why a


snake?". and ' she replied, "You are 8o long a nd writhing, like: a
snake with a white skin.' f. 11 We discoverea each other's strangenèss,
.no-more. It. is rare that.two. strangers. are'joined by a'sudden,
"engulfing familiarity,. issuing from. the'dark, speechle'ss places
beyond the world', like miracles. She watched me go,;through the
ridiculous: mimicries of passion, for there
desire in
wàs_little
1 and. she watched me withthe same. cool gaze: when I underwent my"
'nameless secretion. We"got up from the bed, and Iwondered why
: it hadbeen necessary' for'us tomove from our. chairs.in the other
room, where at least we had- been, able: to smile: at each.other:
The engine'er and Badia_were still talking when we returned :
to the other room. There was the.same heavy, reminiscent air,
shorn of all desire, in this place. i He: was loiling.back -in!
his
chair, smiling. as he.told her thë rénd' ofa story about a job' of: his
in'Caucasia. 1 They .spoke very quietly. When we walked into. the
room 1t waslike: coming back'into a temple, suddenly withdrawn fromi
noise'and people into a. half-dark hallowed stillness, where no
appetites could. be. quickened or. even recognised. I took the
7 a
girl's
hand.and helped her" into a. chair," then-I-walked across
tomyiown.
did
Badia
'not.look up at me, and'the enginéer 'only' nodded briefly,
still in the silent aftermath,of his
st'ary. : Thè girl I had.been
with now seemed, tired. -She looked.
up.at the main.door now and then,:
waiting for newcomers. Badia was" leaning forward, looking down r
at the nails of her'right hand, about"to ask the
engineer another
question. But_she did noti_speak.
After,a long silence.he,bent towards her and whispered
something. - Shie nodded, and he' took a wallet.from. his- pocket.
She took sevéral notes from, * him. and went into the kitchen,
calling.:out
for. the Madame as thegirls:
usually did. : He watched
her as she walked away'with a half-stern,
welf-mnilinodugession.


When she returned. he got up, jand together they left the"room and .
the- corridor to one of : the furthest cubicles. : The
went-along
girl. opposite me had closed her eyed, and I too stretahed in my - 1 'y
chair, wanting to'sleep. : The young Frenchman was.still whiepering
and
continued for more than-
to his girl in the corner, 4 -the'silende
half-an-hour, as 1f each of us were paralysed within-it, transfixed 1. -
into the motionless : furniture of'the world,"mere things which
happened to breathe.
door of the
Suddenly there- was.a noise behind us, the
distant cubiclé 'burst. open,. and the girl opposite_me: started. We
could: hear. the eneinder'a-qube,.lout step down_the, corridor, and:
-his cough. I turned round-to. watch. him enter the room: He was
very awake now o He looked"straight into my eyes,fand his gaze
seemed to tell me, "I'have just had' a triumph." He wal ked quickly
to his seat again, then clapped his hands and"shouted, "Boy! "Boy!"
At once. the waiter came hurry'ing from the"kitchen, and-the
: Liengineer gave him'his.order with-fierce, relish,"Bring me black
coffee, the- blackest coffee you have ever made!i
He no longer leaned back in'his chair, but tapped-his feet
nervously on the floor,.bent forward.with his elbowson his khees..
He turned to.me quickly.
"I made her enjoy it," he'said. "She struggled.a bit,
'sl he cried, but I made her: enjoy'it. L broke'her-down in the 'end."
Theother girl was- watching him strangely., her"mouth a:
- little.open. The young Frenchman had. Irisen and was saying" good-bye
: to his lover.-. There : was : anoise from"the kitchen, : as the boys
hurried toand fro.. Everything" now seemed bustle and "noise.". All-
the. stillness. had gone,"ali the drowsiness.had left
our-eyes..
wasas if: his sudden entrance had brought the whole woria tumbling
back into our tomb-like: room., 'He was twidaling his thumbs round


and " round - as' he tapped his'feet, whistling softly to himself.
When. Badia came she was no longer'a queen. - She came
back to.t the room- like; a child; 'shy'and, unwilling to enter the
company of strangers. 'She looked. € about the room: nervously from
the doorway.. She walked with her. shoulders slightly bowed,, her
hair was still dishevelled, and 1t'was, easy. to see that: she had'
been.weeping. No longer was.she in,comma nd here,'no longer the -
capable one who liked to-take responeibility for her guests, no
longer the sensible talker, watching coolly from a distance., She
r 5
glanced down. at:me quickly, thèn went acros's tothe kitchen.. Even
her body seemed to have changed. : For while previ ously it had been
slow and graceful and. erect, all its movements measured, so that not
a gesture seemed by chance or whimi, now it. was the body of a wife,
easy and loose, quite, free. now, given up Without anyrresistance of
wili to_pleasuré. In the kitchen, she began'calling. out to, the boys
to hurry with the coffeé, then a few moments_later 'she brought in
the. tray: herself. She set'it. down.in front of the engineer and
looked him. full in the. eyes, and. the. gaze they. shared cancelied out
all the rest of the room and- pronounced a moment only they of all'the
people, in the world had known..
She sat down-again and glanced about her quickly, looking. -
for something to do. She asked .
me whether I was comfortable, but
without any aloofness in her expression: she lookedat me with her
eyebrows raised, very y oung now, her.eyes absolutely genuinè and
open. She touched the engineer's arm ând asked him for a cigarette.
He took the case from his pocket, chose' one" carefully, then put it
to her'lips. The moment he had finished + his coffee she câapped
her hands and told the boy. to take awayithe cups... She did not
trouble to comb her hair or straighten her dress; she' no longer
seemed to pay any attention to herself, but behavedi
with a warm,


rather carefree naturalness, flushed and keen-eyed.
We all talked more loudly now, our words rushing in upon
each other, and we laughed constantly.
The young Frenchman left,
and his girl came to join us, telling Badia in French all he had
said to her. Badia was lively and talkative. as I had never seen
her before. All the room followed her mood: the place was no
longer full of statues, and it seemed to me that in the last few
moments, since the engineef had burst from the cubicle at the end
of the corridor, true blood had come back into our veins. Where
we sat was no longer a temple, in hallowed stillness, with everyone
a watcher, erect and withdrawn, but a room at last with men and
women, close together and endlessly talking, full of desires.