A GAME OF MORDER
R 2
Storys
Maurice Rowdon,
Nia/Giulia 102,
Rome, ITALY.


A GAME OF MURDER
Peopleseemed to be more abandoned ar nd socially daring
before the war. They're quieter nowadays, as if they can no
longer rely on the tolerance and sympathy of other people if
they do something extravagant, and as if a law existed that
inside your home you can indulge thehuman passions but outside
in the street you mus t keep your face straight, your hands as
near as possible to your si des and your gaze abstract. A
feeling of eitisenshi es settledeverywhere,
Arthut
bealused to stand in the street and take off his khaki
jacket, then try to get it back on again with all sorts of
antics, putting his arm through one of the pockets, turning it
upside down and trying to fit it over his head, while we all
watched from an upstairs window, roaring with laughter. He
used to come over on Sunday mornings before dinner, When there
was a smell of Korkshire pudding and mint sauce. The men---
he, my brother and my father---used to go down to the pub at
the end of the street for about an hour, and return merry.
He was in the Territorials, and they had their church parade
near by every Sunday morning at about eleven, which was why he
were always
visited ust in his uniform. His buttons XEXX*XXEXXXIT brightly
polished and his puttees---the same as those worn in the first
War---were wound neatly round his ankles. His cap had a
bright an tillery badge and a stiff peak that I found very


ugly: insect-like and ungenerous, for same reasan.
He was very firmly built, nearly all muscle, and he had
a pale, unhealthy face, W ith dull eyes which often smiled, good-
natited. fnt
Rard.
wiokediy ard sometimes mockingl and cruett When he gave
a demonstration of squad drill at the local Territorial Hall,
whe re he went after office-hours twice a week, he W culd stamp
his feet down So hard that his cheeks quivered, and it seemed
to give him a satisfaction beyond humour. Then he imitated
the Sergeant Ma jor's scream, his voice echoing d awn the long
street, making it appear that he was blow ing his words through
an immense moustache. He belonged to barrack 1ife.t There was
something angular and mechanical about him, so tha t the drill-
ing didn 't seem an outrage to his body. His jokes were callous
and muttered, with a theme of deathly physicality, and he
laughed
devil - may - case
et in a precipitous, devilstaiesthemhindmost way. He
drank a lot of dark beer and inc ited my bro ther, whowas a
more delioate and retiring person, to a kind of unt whole-
some competitiveness, the idea be ing to smoke as many cigarettes
and drink as much beer as possible, an d stay up late. They
used
tmost AVER 1 eventi
* HTE
h A
of kis
and Arter about two years/my brother went down with a fever and
Arthur
y his
was inhospital for several mont hs. But bon wasn't affected at L
lefe,
He looked jus t as muscular/and his face seemed to be
slightly yellow by nature.
He used to talk between thin lips, hissingly, and giggled
lightly after nearly ev erything he said. I remember that one
evening he and another friend gathered round my brother's chair
and started talking in very subdued voices about a patty they
were going to have at our home. They took no notice of me


and probably thought I was too small to understand. They
talked about a woman I knew, a friend of my mother's called
Mrs Carr, who was older than they were an d in the ripe period
of life.
She was small and attractive in a challenging, un-
voluptuous way, with slightly praminent teeth and bright eyes:
She-wes-prebablyin-her art thirties: I heard my brother
Attkur
say, ,"Well, last time she as good as promised me...", and Lon,
m ade kis
L giggled. She was "game". The other friend said something
about the "goods" being "on a plate". But he had a healthier
and more boyish face than the other two, and a certain fastid-
iousness was disturbed in him by this talk. Then they decided
on a plan of action, which I couldn't understand.
The night of the party came and "murder" was played. My
mother disliked this game ve ry much, but she said little. It
meant switching out a the lights and having pe opl e wandering
all over the rooms and stumbling into each other in the darkness,
U ou
waiting for someone to scream eprs wh en touched by the "murder-
er".' She used to sit by the fire in the frontfroom W ith her
hands clasped together an d a shawl or jumper over her S houlders,
exactly as she did when there was a bad thunder/storm.
Arthud
Lers idea was to select a "murderer" from among certain
male accomplices, who would prolong the game as long as necess-
ary. It was played about seven times, between nine o'clock
an d midnight, in a growing mania dominated by the spirit of
Arttur
Lo and my brother. Mrs Carr was there, laughing and looking
Her huslrand wattu
round yuickly with her bright eyes. 2
EI was al silént,
listless man wE Lres whtch Tar
nomat
paer-and-Wara now Watery,
narrow L peering Lecherousness that seemed thett tast


and
his ey en
sounee
To me they) had a glint of C amplicity in
them When tary looked at his wife. I remember that W hen my
mo ther wen t into hospital for an abcess to be removed from her
womb, caused by my birth, he gave my fa ther a Ratom glinting
Jock
and chuckled
look and said, "Too much friction, BB, eh?" am-hatad him
uieth:
oment
I wandered about th e rooms in the darkness with everybody
else, feeling people pass me and not knowing who they were.
Someone kept pulling the lavatory chain, produc ing a loud clang
and a rush of water, which made everybody laugh, becase the
game required such an eery silence. The chain was pulled
more an d more with every game, until the tank didn't have t ime
to fill up and only made an empty clang. Sometimes I brushed
past two pe ople e standing so close toge ther that they mu st have
been gripping each other. Nothing whatsoever could be seen,
because the curtains were tightly drawn. Sometimes I felt one
of the young men's strong ha nds explore my body briefly/ to
asce rtain my sex. I wondered with a shiver of embarrassment
whe ther one of these hands might belong to my brother. In his
bedroom, which was tiny, with only a bed and a chest of drawers,
there was always the worst press of people; and-more ackimed
goon there. A certain respect was shown my parents' bedroom.
About the time of the fourth game I was standing against
one of the walls in my brother's room and heard Mrs Carr's
whisper nearby, "No, don't---don't---" Then there was anothèr
whisper, "What's the matter?" I went towards the door and
realised that it was being held closed from ins 1de, by someone
othar
ge than the person with Mrs Carr.
This was probably the
stratcem, Worked out like a plan of battle. I returned nearèr


the bed and at once felt Mrs Carr's slim arm---I had no
doubt it was her, from the voice---and realised she was in a
kind of awkward embrace with sameone. There wasxa lot of
movement on the bed, and gasps, and aga in, in a fainter voice,
Then the door opened and I felt my way out, not wanting
to see anything when the lights went up. I went back to the
frontfroom whe re the fire was blazing and my mother was sitting
neutrad,
alone. The room was neatral, out of the game. At last the
lights wen t ap and everybody came back blinking an d laughing,
saying things like "Was that you---I W andered what the devil
it was!" and "Somebody scared the life out of mel" Mrs Carr
alashed,
was looking ra ther sulksa Wh her eyes cast down. She refused
Arthur
to play in the next game, and sat with my mother. But ben
and my brother didn't seem to mind.
At the end of every Sunday-night party, al bout half-past
eleven, there was a light supper of ool d meat and pickl es and
tea served in the back room. Mrs Carr was still mute, and
she no longer looked round her with bright, quick glances.
Mr Carr was laughing, without making a sound. He sat with
Arthur
Xen and. my brother near the fire-stove, while she seemed to be
alert to everything they said, in case it C oncerned her. The
other pe oplef at the table, wefe talking and laughing so much
that this wasn 't noticed.
Len was whispering something to Mr Carr, W ho kept gl anoing
at his wife with slow, glinting eye S. She blinked, looking
MrCan
down. Then har-hursbend said 76 E beH with a wry little smile,
again,
"Yes, that's right, the same happened to me---ne ver agaan, I
said, never agai in!"


Arhur
glancing sndeway
Len) laughed,/ tooking/at my brother, and asked, "Why,
what happened?"
"Well, the gun went off---touched off if you see what I
mean---accident---but ne ver again, oh no!"
Athur
Again Lon laughed, this time throwing back his head.
n The gun with the cannon balls, you mean?"
" That's right! How did yau guess?"
Arthurs
And to match Lerts strident, rus hed giggle, filling all
his gtinting
the room, Mr Carr smiled in a-Hator fashion and looked slowly actrss
at his wife again.
Afterwards, when everybody had left the hou se and my
his
Arthur,
brother had gone out for a late-night stroll with Lens my
mother said to my father with tight 1ips, W hile they W ere doing
Ipelkis
the washing-up, "I ha te that damned game".
There were no more large parties like that because my
brother went into hospi tal soon afterwards, and d then the War (P. C
broke out. One Sunday morning a few days before the ultimatum
Arur
ogain
to Germany Len came over in his
told us he was
uniform,and
being mobilised. He didn't seem S orry. He followed the
st atemen t with his rushed giggle, making war seem a
vast tomfoolery. My fa ther was working in the back garden
and we were watching Rim from the open W indow. It was a
bright morning and the blinds had been drawn half-down, giving
ihavwas OUR assreialed
A with
the room a special summer glow /ttmt-bmhgnged)for me tg cold
seem
salad teas and short-sleeved shirts, and made life,less gaunt
Artur
and strict. My fa ther didn't know that ka had arrived. He
went on working quietly, tending his favourite flowers, the
child',
fr gladioli. I had been practis ing wi th ayshot-gun in the garden %
instrumeut
and had just laid it on the table. It was a peculiar thing-


It fired little shots of pota to very fast. You pus hed the
end of its bore into a raw potato so that, a juicy little
pellet was left inside.
Arttut
"How do you u se that thing?" Len asked. He spoke wi th
some surprise/f,because at first hedthought it was a toy gun,
but when he looked closer he sal W the dangerous-looking spring.
I br aught him a half-used potato and s ho wed h im how to do
it. He nodded an d filled the bore, then raised the gun level
to his eyes.
"I'm the best shot in the troop", he said, then, under his
Jrck!
breath, "Watch out, BILI
usv
who was
He levelled the sights at my father bend ing in the garden
below, and fired. My father sprang up at once, clasping the
back of his neok, and looked up at the window with his mouth
Arthur
open. Ian was laughing, and my brother was smiling constrain-
edly.
Yhoutd up
"What the hell was tha t?" my fa ther said.
" Only a bit of potato, Bill!"
Arthur,
"Wha t?" It dawned on my father that thts was Lonr and ou
Jaw #e gun.
en But he didn't smile. He pursed his lips
a little and asked quietly, a very faint trembling in his
voice, "You'd better be careful what you're doing, ha dn "ofoupn
Anthuts
In Lat smile there was often a grea t openness and
charm. He-mouldsmetimes look
L wonder-
ing-affoction He oauld see my father was really hurt, and
he s topped giggling. His lips were moist and hovered for a 1
moment between shame an d a smile. He turned avay from the
window and after a silence in which none of us seemed to
move he went into the scullery and began joking with my


mother.
In th hefevontngrto-fumd me sitfing in-my-brother'e bed-
room. My à arents had gone ou t andmy brother was sittihg
in Eno thor room.. He smiled at me gad sat down on the bed.
He ruffled my hair, then began slapping me in a playful pay.
I laughed, thinking trat he would stop after the first slaps,
but he became more violent until ho vas gripping me by the
shoulders and pressing them together wi th a strange inwerd
grimneos, hi B face absolutely set, pale an d thin-lipped as
alvays. Thon he began.slapping ne very hard, even rand
the faco, und the more he did so the of more I tried to
8 a
leighy
ao as to minimice the S trangeness of it. :y brother mth st
havo heard the slaps in the other room but he made no move-
ment. Lon vas sweating and didn't seen to know what he
vanted. Then ho pinched me in the pack with a sudden
ferooious ertort/ and left the room, his walk slow and forlorn.
Lato r I went out into the back-room/ where he and my
bro ther were sitting. It was quito silent. The window
was open/ and there vere distant sounds of children playing,
and a train paosed far away. He vas leaning back in his chair
gazing at the ceiling, his eyes nayroved and a certain pain in
his face. There vere still the traces of sweat on his brov
and upper 4p
i vas just
fathom
son tethit ng
A year
on a dusty, toporific day, when the back-room
laterf,
was again in a quiot glow, I heard that he'thad bcen killed in
Germeny. Ho hadn't joined the army after all/ but applied
for the Air Force, because he hated the "square-beshing"
liE.
had
involved in the Artillery. He, trained, and flew over
Gernany on one of the first bomber raids.


Somebody said he'd fallen out of the plane alive, after
it had been hit by flack. I imagined him hurtling down towards
the earth, unseen at night, and I always imagined that he didn't
cry out, only waited, his eyes fixed before him with a certain
curiosity and charm, wondering what fate had governed his life,
and removed him so soon.